Greetings listers...
Yes, I know I've been a little quiet lately.... new job and all. But,
rest assured, I will return to being my most annoying self very soon.
Canadian Customs... no, no, no... not the "Let drink a case of beer and
go shine us some deer, eh?" customs.... no, the type that look at your
passport and make your travel hell.
The new company I'm working for is based in Ottawa. In all my extensive
business travel, worldwide, I can state here for the record... Canadian
Customs are the biggest pain in the ass. If I may, let me relate to you
my most recent experience...
I arrive at the customs booth, present my passport. "Ahh, Mr.
Thompson.... how long will you be staying? What's the reason for your
visit? Blah, blah, blah... would you please step over there? See the
gentleman standing by the office? He's waiting for you.." What? This
guy's pointing me toward the cavity search room. The guy standing
there's got a look on his face I never want to see again. I clench my
cheeks, pick up my garment bag, and cautiously step in to the office.
"So, Mr. Thompson... Mr. William. S. Thompson... your birthday... it's
January 27th, 1956?" Yes... that's correct." "And you reside in Lake
Villa, IL?" "Yes." "What's your middle name?" " Severin", I said...
getting a very bad feeling about this whole deal. "What's your marital
status?" "Have you ever been to Maine?" "Have you ever lived in
California?" etc., etc., etc.
Finally, after 20 questions this guy relaxes a little bit. I figure it's
time to mount the offensive (and you all know how offensive I can
be...). "So", I began, " you have a lot of problems with with William
Thompsons, do you?" "Well, not most", he said... "but one in
particular... a William S. Thompson, with your birth date of 1/27/56 is
wanted on rape charges." "Only your middle name... Severin, is
different." (How wacked is that?) I say..." Well the other morning, my
wife might have been a little groggy... it was early... but I assure you
it was consensual!"
He advises me to keep my passport with me at all times. I decide I'd
better not smuggle that box of Cuban cigars on the way home...
I look forward to seeing some of you at the Mosport race.... that is if
they let me in the country. Imagine how bad it will be when they get a
look at my car....
Flounder
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