Triumph,
Tho you hide behind the marque, one must wonder what traits thou dost
desire to veil. Tis the sexist, chauvanistic one what shows. Be ye careful
laddy, as the lass has the last laugh.
By the way, what can my Saturn wagon turn the quarter in?
Chris Prugh
72 Spitfar
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From: Triumph[SMTP:Triumph@sfbayguardian.com]
Sent: Sunday, March 16, 1997 10:45 AM
To: triumphs@autox.team.net
Subject: Re: What's wrong with this picture? (crass and mean-spirited)
>According to Grassroots Motorsports magazine (Mar/Apr '97):
>
>"To give you and idea of how quickly some cars can cover the
>quarter-mile,
>here are some approximate times for several popular production cars:
>
>1988 Porsche 959 ................ 12.0 sec
>1989 Corvette ZR-1 ............... 13.4 sec
>1997 BMW M3 (3.2L) ........... 14.3 sec
>1970 Porsche 911S .............. 14.9 sec
>1983 Porsche 944 ............... 16.2 sec
>1971 Datsun 240Z ............... 17.1 sec
>1997 Dodge Grand Caravan.... 17.6 sec
>1973 Triumph TR6 ................ 18.2 sec
>1967 Triumph Spitfire (1300)... 19.3 sec
>1949 MG TC ........................ 22.2 sec
>(times from manufacturers or published road tests)"
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah,
Now try to get laid because you drivin' the Caravan. I don't think so
hombres.
Take heart in the test of tests, that measure of all things cool or crap,
that benchmark of the successful design...yes Steve the test results are in
and the data reveals that chicks in fact DO DIG the small, throaty sounding,
road sucking, wood detailed (no simulated woodgrain here my friend), Large
tire'd, foreign,Quirky, tempermental, yellow, sports ride 127,000 to one (Anne
Marie, curiously) among chicks who actually have preference for cars.+
In further examinations of the data it has been revealed that:
The typical TR6 driver posseses the following attributes:
* Chicks generally dig them.
* They are well educated, thinking human beings more prone to fixing a
problem themselves than to driving the problem down to the Dodge dealership
and saying "umm, I'm not sure whats wrong(up ending) but its making this
"wicky ticky wicky ticky sound(up ending) "
* Is least likely among all drivers to purchase aftermarket wings.
* Sends Christmas cards to their mechanics.
* Is least likely among all drivers to ever pull into a Dodge dealership
Further examinations reveal these traits of the typical Dodge Caravan driver:
* Not one has ever made the Caravan cover the quarter mile in anywhere near
17.6 seconds.
* 9 out of 9 Caravan drivers could tell you how to get melted gummi bears out
of the upholstery.
* 9 out of nine havent been laid during the duration of ownership of their
vehicles.
* Caravan Drivers couldnt identify the TR6 in a lineup.
+Data copiled from a random sampling of chicks in each of the lower 48 states
excluding girlfriends of Camaro, Firebird, BMW 320, 318, &325i, Acura and any
small Japanese cars with wing surface area accountng for more than76% of the
total surface area of the automobile.
Now put on those wayfarers, wrap a scarf around your neck, don the cap and go
collect up your rightful rewards. CHICKS-O-PLENTY.
--
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