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L.A.Drivers license-non LBC humour-but automotive related

To: Spitfires@autox.team.net
Subject: L.A.Drivers license-non LBC humour-but automotive related
From: Laura.G@141.com (Laura Gharazeddine)
Date: Mon, Sep 25 2000 12:31:40 GMT-0600
And remember-I LOVE! L.A.!

Laura 

------------------------------------------

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live
in California, here is a copy of the California Driver's
Exam, and for those of you who do, study real hard.
This is a new exam. Since driving conditions (and culture)
are unique in Los Angeles, you may not have realized
that the California Department of Motor Vehicles has
now issued a special application and driver's test solely
for the Los Angeles Metropolitan Area.

Here it is:

GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE
APPLICATION:

      Name:___________________
      Stage name: ____________________
      Agent:___________________
      Attorney:_______________________
      Sex: ___male ___female ___formerly male ___formerly female ____both
  
      *If female, indicate breast implant size: _______
      Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a 
motor vehicle in any way? Yes___ No ___

      Please list brand of cell phone: ________.
      *If you don't own a cell phone, please
      explain:________________________
  
      Please check hair color:
      Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde
      Teenagers: [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead
  
      Please check activities you perform while driving:
      (Check all that apply)
      [ ] Eating
      [ ] Applying make-up
      [ ] Talking on the phone
      [ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat
      [ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
      [ ] Tanning
      [X ] Snorting cocaine (already checked for ease of application)
      [ ] Watching TV
      [ ] Reading Variety
      [ ] Surfing the net via laptop
  
      Please indicate how many times:
      a) you expect to shoot at other drivers _____
      b) how many times you expect to be shot at while   driving _____
  
      If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should immediately:
      a) Call the police to report the crime
      b) Call Channel 4 News to report the crime, then watch
       your car on the news in a high-speed chase
      c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company 
for 911 call not going through
      d) Call your therapist
      e) None of the above (South Central residents only)
  
      In the event of an earthquake, you should:
      a) stop your car
      b) keep driving and hope for the best
      c) immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones
      d) pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 4
 
      In the instance of rain, you should:
      a) never drive over 5 MPH
      b) drive twice as fast as usual
      c) you're not sure what "rain" is
 
      Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ______.

      Are you presently taking any of the following
      medications?:
      a) Prozac
      b) Zovirax
      c) Lithium
      d) Zanax
      e) Valium
      f) Zoloft
      *If none, please explain: __________________.
  
      Length of daily commute:
      a) 1 hour
      b) 2 hours
      c) 3 hours
      d) 4 hours or more
  
      When stopped by police, you should:
      a) pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready
      b) try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the
      405 Freeway
      c) have your video camera ready and provoke them to
      attack, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit.
  
 




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