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Re: [Shop-talk] relationship advice (part 2 of 2)

To: shop-talk@Autox.Team.Net
Subject: Re: [Shop-talk] relationship advice (part 2 of 2)
From: "John T. Blair" <jblair1948@cox.net>
Date: Fri, 09 Nov 2007 13:20:59 -0500
As the kids got older so did we.  But she's never come back out in the shop
to help me.  Oh yes, if I'm working on something, and really need another
pair of hands, I can get her to help.  In fact, last Sunday, I was trying
to paint her minivan.  After I got the roof sanded down to bare metal,
she helped me tape it up so I could shoot the primer.

Everyone I talk to, or shows on TV I've watched, say it's communications!!!!  
But you'll find that there are some things you just can't talk about.  
However, there's a lot of stuff you should talk about, like spending habbits, 
debt, views on kids, etc.  What do you and she want out of life.

The more you two can discuss your hobbies, and dreams, the better you'll
understand each other.  She may enjoy working with you on some of your 
projects.  Or she may rather let you play in the shop while she goes out
to a garage sale.  But that's something you two have to come to grips with.

>Before you get started, please know that I understand balance.  I don't
>spend every free minute in the shop.

That's a good beginning!!!  That ballance is one of the reasons that I've
been trying to restore a 75 Bricklin for over 12 years.  The kids grew up,
both played in the school's band.  So we had various events to go to.  I
didn't miss but one, and that was because I was sick, not because I was
in the shop.  I also don't take food out of their mouths.  I save my change,
and that's my mad/play money.  So when I needed a MIG welder to work on 
the chassis of the Bricklin, it took me 2 yrs to save the $800 for the
welder.  Consiquently, not much got done on the car while I was waiting
for the welder.

Are you both laid back? Are you both very strong willed?  I personally think
the more laid back you and she are, the more you'll let things slide.
Very strong willed people won't stand for things not going their way.
Consiquently, if one likes to shoot pool, and the other rather play
foosball, they may split up because neither gets their way.  I realize
this is a trivial example, but stuff like this happens all the time.

You've both got to see eye to eye on spending, and debt.  If one or both
are high maintenance, you're in for a rough time.  

Kind of like the C vs the A students.  (Again an over simplification but
there is a lot of truth in this.)  The C students are pluggers and
chuggers, used to hitting their heads against the wall untill they 
understand.  So lifes problems are just another thing to work through.
While the A students will, look for the easy way out, if they're not
getting a A in a given coures, they'll drop it.  Things come easy to
them.  So when presented with a tough problem they'll give up, and 
walk away from it.

So go for it.  Talk a lot about things that matter to each of you. And
you both have to LISTEN to the other.  If you don't like what you hear,
then you should keep looking.

John

John T. Blair  WA4OHZ     email:  jblair1948@cox.net
Va. Beach, Va             
Phone:  (757) 495-8229

          48 TR1800    48 #4 Midget    65 Morgan 4/4 Series V (B1106)
     75 Bricklin SV1 (#0887)    77 Spitfire    71 Saab Sonett III
                       65 Rambler Classic

Morgan:    www.team.net/www/morgan
Bricklin:  www.bricklin.org

If you can read this             - Thank a teacher!
If you are reading it in English - Thank a Vet!!
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