How about these accessories? Surely no judge would frown on
such appropriate add-ons as:
FLOAT VALVE LOOSENER
A cam-and-trip-hammer system which attaches to your
right front wheel, and continuously bangs your carburettor
with a plastic mallet as you drive, thus loosening your
float valve even as it sticks! The higher your speed the
faster it whacks, delivering unmatched loosening power
when and where you need it.
Single carb version: $199.95
Dual " " : $299.95
THE SEAT SUCKER
A combination vacuum and bilge pump that sucks rainwater
out of your seat base foam and routes the water through
the body drain holes or any convenient rust-through point.
Switch it on once after leaving the top down over a wet
night, or run it continuously for open-air driving in
the rain. Not to be used as a rest-stop substitute.
Standard system $79.95
Moisture activation switch $19.95
THE RE-OILER
Mounts to the low point on your oil sump, it routes leakage
to door hinges, wiper gears, anywhere that needs it!
Oil catch and pump w/6' of tubing 39.95
Additional tubing .30/ft
SIM-U-START
A self-contained audio playback unit with digital recording
of an engine in perfect tune, firing up and purring like
a kitten. Switch it on and it will seem to your co-workers,
neighbors and fellow shoppers like your car is beautifully
maintained, and provides a covering noise to your actual
cranking and swearing.
Sim-U-Start (100watts, mega-bass): 99.95
(Specify + or - ground and number of Sim-U-Cylinders)
Disclaimer: I have no financial interest in these offerings
except insofar as they'll make me money. Actual availability
subject to actual existence of working examples, which is in
turn subject to actual number of orders actually prepaid.
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