[TR] Tools

[Bill]

Not all apply to LBCs, but I am sure you will recognize many of them

DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar 
stock out of your hands so that it  smacks you in the chest and 
flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project 
which you had carefully set in the  corner where nothing could get to 
it.

WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the 
workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and 
hard-earned calluses from fingers in  about the time it takes you to 
say, "Oh, shit!"

SKILL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs 
into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board 
principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable 
motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more 
dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If 
nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense 
welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your 
shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub 
out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood 
projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have 
installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under 
the  bumper.

BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good 
aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the 
trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the 
outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you 
forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening 
old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but 
can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw 
heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common 
slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you 
needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used 
as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent 
the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons 
delivered to your  front door; works particularly well on contents 
such as seats, vinyl records,  liquids in plastic bottles, collector 
magazines, refund checks, and rubber or  plastic parts. Especially 
useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

Son of a b*tch TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while 
yelling "Son of a bitch" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most 
often, the next tool that you will need.






-- 
"Thinking is the hardest work there is. That's why so few people 
undertake it." - Henry Ford
Bill Pugh
1957 TR3
"Casper"
TS16765L
Wallace, CA