[Healeys] Friday Funny: Lucas Electric

[PG]

Have you inadvertently let the smoke out of the wires on your classic
British car? This, then, is the solution to your problem!

Here is presented for your perusal one Lucas Replacement Wiring Harness
Smoke kit, P/N 530433, along with the very rare Churchill Tool 18G548BS
adapter tube and metering valve. These kits were supplied surreptitiously to
Lucas factory technicians as a trouble-shooting and repair aid for the
rectification of chronic electrical problems on a plethora of British cars.
The smoke is metered, through the fuse box, into the circuit which has
released it's original smoke until the leak is located and repaired. The
affected circuit is then rectified and the replacement smoke re-introduced.
An advantage over the cheap repro smoke kits currently available is the
exceptionally rare Churchill metering valve and fuse box adapter. It enables
the intrepid and highly skilled British Car Technician to meter the precise
amount of genuine Lucas smoke required by the circuit.

Unlike the cheap, far-eastern replacement DIYsmoke offered by the "usual
suppliers", this kit includes a filter to ensure that all the smoke is of
consistent size, It has been our experience in our shop that the
reproduction Tiawanese smoke is often "lumpy", which will cause excessive
resistance in our finely-engineered British harnesses and components. This
is often the cause of failure in the repro electrical parts currently
available, causing much consternation and misplaced cursing of the big three
suppliers.

These kits have long been the secret weapon of the "Ultimate Authorities" in
the trade, and this may be the last one available. Be forewarned, though,
that it is not applicable to any British vehicle built after the
discontinuing of bullet connectors, so you Range Rover types are still on
your own...

This Genuine Factory Authorised kit contains enough smoke to recharge the
entire window circuit on a 420 Jaguar, and my dear friend and advisor George
Wolf of British Auto Specialty assures me that he can replace ALL the smoke
in a W&F Barrett All-Weather Invalid Car(147 CC) with enough left over to
test a whole box of Wind-Tone horns for escaped smoke. How much more of an
endorsement do you need?

More, you say? Well, I once let the smoke out of the overdrive wiring on my
friend Roger Hankey's TR3B, and was able to drive over 200 miles home from
The Roadster Factory Summer Party by carefully introducing smoke into the
failed circuit WITHOUT even properly repairing the leak. Another friend,
Richard Stephenson, was able to repair the cooling fan circuit of his Series
1 E-type by merely replacing a fuse and injecting a small quantity of smoke
back into the wires. So there!

So, if you're troubled by lost smoke, bid early and bid often! Thanks for
looking!

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