[Healeys] Fw: Breakthrough In Electrical Theory

[Healey List]

Lucas also manufactured vacuum cleaners, although I've never seen one.
Apparently, they were the only Lucas product which didn't suck...


> passed to me.  thought the list might enjoy.  hjim
>>
>>
>> Being a Healey driver, you have probably seen this one before, in  
>> any case, it does put forward a new perspective on how electricity  
>> works . . . for British cars that is.
>>>
>>>
>>> 'ELECTRICAL THEORY BY JOSEPH LUCAS'
>>>
>>> Positive ground depends on proper circuit functioning, which is the
>>> transmission of negative ions by retention of the visible spectral
>>> manifestation known as "smoke"..
>>>
>>> Smoke is the thing that makes electrical circuits work. We know  
>>> this to be
>>> true because every time one lets the smoke out of an electrical  
>>> circuit, it
>>> stops working. This can be verified repeatedly through empirical  
>>> testing.
>>>
>>> For example, if one places a copper bar across the terminals of a  
>>> battery,
>>> prodigious quantities of smoke are liberated and the battery  
>>> shortly ceases
>>> to function. In addition, if one observes smoke escaping from an  
>>> electrical
>>> component such as a Lucas voltage regulator, it will also be  
>>> observed that
>>> the component no longer functions. The logic is elementary and  
>>> inescapable!
>>>
>>> The function of the wiring harness is to conduct the smoke from  
>>> one device
>>> to another. When the wiring springs a  leak and lets all the smoke  
>>> out of
>>> the system, nothing works afterward.
>>>
>>> Starter motors were considered unsuitable for British motorcycles  
>>> for some
>>> time largely because they consumed large quantities of smoke,  
>>> requiring
>>> very unsightly large wires.
>>>
>>> It has been reported that Lucas electrical components are possibly  
>>> more
>>> prone to electrical leakage than their Bosch, Japanese or American
>>> counterparts. Experts point out that this is because Lucas is  
>>> British, and
>>> all things British leak. British engines leak oil, British shock  
>>> absorbers,
>>> hydraulic forks and disk brake systems leak fluid, British tires  
>>> leak air
>>> and British Intelligence leaks national defense secrets.
>>>
>>> Therefore, it follows that British electrical systems must leak  
>>> smoke.
>>> Once again, the logic is clear and inescapable.
>>>
>>> In conclusion, the basic concept of transmission of electrical  
>>> energy in
>>> the form of smoke provides a logical explanation of the mysteries of
>>> electrical  components - especially British units manufactured by  
>>> Joseph
>>> Lucas, Ltd.
>>>
>>> And remember: "A gentleman does not motor about after dark."  
>>> Joseph Lucas
>>> (1842-1903)
>>>
>>> Now you know all about it.....having owned an Austin-Healey, I am  
>>> quite
>>> familiar with leaks and Lucas, Prince of Darkness....