[Healeys] Early Friday Funny Lawyer Joke:

[Dan Stromquist]

OK, so I search Snoops this one looks good but just in case, I offer it up
in the early Friday funny category:

 

Judge Jerry Buchmeyer of the US District Court for the Northern District of
Texas has a monthly article in the Texas Bar Journal.  He prints reader
submissions of humorous exchanges between lawyers and witnesses taken from
deposition and trial transcripts.  This one is a classic:

 

Attorney:  So, doctor, you determined that a gunshot wound was the cause of
death of the patient?

 

Doctor:  That's correct.

 

Attorney:  Did you examine the patient when he came to the emergency room?

 

Doctor:  No, I performed the autopsy.

 

Attorney:  OK, were you aware of his vital signs while he was at the
hospital?

 

Doctor:  Yes, he came to the emergency room in shock and died in the
emergency room a short time after arriving.

 

Attorney:  Did you pronounce him dead at the time?

 

Doctor:  No, I am the pathologist who performed the autopsy.  I was not
involved with the patient initially.

 

Attorney:  Well, are you even sure, then, that he died in the emergency
room?

 

Doctor:  That is what they records indicate.

 

Attorney:  But if you weren't there, how could you have pronounced him dead,
having not seen or physically examined the patient at the time?

 

Doctor:  The autopsy showed massive hemorrhage into the chest, and that was
the cause of death.

 

Attorney:  I understand that, but you were not actually present to examine
the patient and pronounce him dead, isn't that right?

 

Doctor:  No, sir, I did not see the patient or actually pronounce him dead,
but I did perform the autopsy and right now his brain is in a jar over at
the county morgue.  As for the rest of the patient, for all I know, he could
be out practicing law somewhere.