Pig Farmer
A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for
ham, bacon, etc. After several weeks, he notices that
none of the pigs are getting pregnant. He decides to
call a local vet for advise. The vet tells the farmer
that he should try artificial insemination.
The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what the vet
means. Not wanting to display his ignorance, he only
asks the vet how he will know when the pigs are
pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop
standing around, and will instead, lay down and wallow
in the mud when they are pregnant. The farmer hangs up
and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion
that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate
the pigs himself. So he loads the pigs into his truck,
drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all,
brings them back home and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the pigs.
Seeing that they are all still standing around, he
concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them
into his truck again. He drives them out to the woods,
bangs each pig twice for good measure, brings them back
and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still just
standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and
proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the
woods. He spends all day shagging the pigs and, upon
returning home, falls into bed.
Next morning, he can't even raise himself from the bed
to look at the pigs. He asks his wife to look out and
tell him if the pigs are laying in the mud.
"No" she says, "they're all in the truck and one of
them's honking the horn!"
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