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[oletrucks] (humor) The virus alert to end all virus alerts!

To: oletrucks@autox.team.net
Subject: [oletrucks] (humor) The virus alert to end all virus alerts!
From: Eric Randall <eorson@uwyo.edu>
Date: Thu, 18 Feb 1999 11:27:37 -0700
If you receive an email entitled "Worser Times," delete it immediately.
> > 
> > Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not
> > only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete
> > anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer and start a smudge in

> > your round file.
> > 
> > It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards.
> > 
> > It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your
> > VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt
to 
> > play.
> > 
> > It will reset your clocks to blink in the year 4006 and your toaster
> > to black.
> > 
> > Your furnace will switch to air on the coldest day of the year.
> > 
> > It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all
> > your ice cream melts and your milk curdles.
> > 
> > Your TV will reset to PBS and the begging will continue for 4 hrs 36
> > mins. and 33 secs.
> > 
> > Your Lawnmower will start and immediately begin to cut Snow.
> > 
> > It will program your phone autodial to call only your mother-in-law's
> > number.
> > 
> > This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank and your cat will
> > start to bark.
> > 
> > It will drink all your beer.
> > 
> > It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting
> > company.
> > 
> > Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton
> > fuzz> (be honest, you have some) to migrate behind your ears.
> > 
> > It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine,
> > all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and
> > billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.
> > 
> > It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way
> > that is only fun until someone loses an eye.
> > 
> > It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea.
> > 
> > It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to
> > passive voice and incorporate undetectable misspellings which grossly
> > change the interpretations of key sentences.
> > 
> > If the "Worser Times," message is opened in a Windows95 environment,
> > it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in
> > dangerously close to a full bathtub.
> > 
> > It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and
> > pillows, but it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.
> > 
> > This is the graddy of all virus It will replace all your luncheon meat 
> > with Spam.
> > 
> > It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to
> > smell like dill pickles.
> > 
> > It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold.
> > 
> > It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
> > 
> > These are just a few signs of infection.
> > 
> > AND MOST IMPORTANTLY 
> > PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!!
> > 


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