This came from a work related listserv that has been "into" the whole
election process - way too much... See #9 for obligatory LBC content...
:^)
Carl
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Paul T. Jantzen
> Sent: Wednesday, November 15, 2000 9:22 AM
> To: USFTALK
> Subject: [Humour] Revocation of Independence
>
> Notice of revocation of independence
>
> To the citizens of the United States of America,
>
> In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus
> to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
> independence, effective today.
>
> Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
> over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah,
> which she does not fancy. Your new Prime Minister (The Rt. Hon. Tony
> Blair MP, for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that
> there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for
> America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate
> will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to
> determine whether any of you noticed.
>
> To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
> rules are introduced with immediate effect:
>
> 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
> Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be
> amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you
> should
> raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary".
> Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such
> as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
> communication. Look up "interspersed".
>
> 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know
> on your behalf.
>
> 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
> It really isn't that hard.
>
> 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
> the good guys.
>
> 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
> Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you
> to get confused and give up half way through.
>
> 6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind
> of football. What you refer to as American "football" has, as acute
> observers at this side of the ocean have noticed, very little to do with
> both feet and balls. You will no longer be allowed to play this game
> while calling it by the misnomer "football", and the NFL will be the
> forum for *real* football. Initially, it would be best if you played
> with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough
> will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American
> "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty
> seconds or wearing full kevlar body
> armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US
> rugby sevens side by 2005.
>
> 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons
> if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that
> there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The
> Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "shit".
>
> 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
> national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive
> Day".
>
> 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for
> your own good. When we show you British cars, you will understand what
> we mean.
>
> 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It has been driving us crazy.
>
>
> --
> Paul T. Jantzen
> University of South Florida, College of Medicine
> Department of Pharmacology and Therapeutics
> Alzheimer's Research Laboratories
> 12901 Bruce B. Downs Blvd., MDC Box 09
> Tampa, FL 33612-4799
>
> __________________________________________________________________________
> ____
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> Staff of the University of South Florida. It is established to promote
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