Brian,
Shall we tell them all about the paper you're working on re: Fast being
the absence of slow.
(remember the vacuum guage on the Capri). Maybe you can include a wiring
diagram for the go-fast switch in the final revision of your paper.
Chris Prugh
72 Spitfar
Morgan Hill, CA
----------
From: Brian W. Neuschwander[SMTP:bwnbcg@sjm.infi.net]
Sent: Sunday, August 31, 1997 9:07 AM
To: Triumphs
Subject: Dark Suckers
Sometime back a list member was looking for the Dark Sucker Paper from
Bell Labs. Well, here it is:
DARK SUCKERS
Bell Labs Proves Existence of Dark Suckers
For years it has been believed that electric bulbs emitted light.
However, recent information from Bell Labs has proven otherwise.
Electric bulbs don't emit light, theysuck dark. Thus they now call these
bulbs dark suckers.
The dark sucker theory, according to a Bell Labs spokesperson, proves
the existence of dark, that dark has mass heavier than that of light,
and that dark is faster than light. The basis of the dark sucker theory
is that electric bulbs suck dark. Take for example the dark suckers in
the room where you are. There is less dark right next to them than there
is elsewhere. The larger the dark sucker, the greater its capacity to
suck dark. Dark suckers in a parking lot have a much greater capacity
than the ones in this room. As with all things, dark suckers don't last
forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is
proven by the black spot on a full dark sucker. A candle is a primitive
dark sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You will notice that after
the first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark which has
been sucked into it. If you hold a pencil next to the wick of an
operating candle, the tip will turn black because it got in the path of
the dark flowing into the candle. Unfortunately, these primitive dark
suckers have a very limited range. There are also portable dark suckers.
The bulbs in these can't handle all of the dark by themselves, and must
be aided by a dark storage unit. When the dark storage unit is full, it
must be either emptied or replaced before the portable dark sucker can
operate again.
Dark has mass. When dark goes into a dark sucker, friction from this
mass generates heat. Thus it is not wise to touch an operating dark
sucker. Candles present a special problem, as the dark must travel in
the solid wick instead of through glass. This generates a great amount
of heat. Thus it can be very dangerous to touch an operating candle.
Dark is also heavier than light. If you swim deeper and deeper, you
notice it gets slowly darker and darker. When you reach a depth of
approximately fifty feet, you are in total darkness. This is because the
heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light
floats to the top. The immense power of dark can be utilized to man's
advantage. We can collect the dark that has settled to the bottom of
lakes and push it through turbines, which generate electricity and help
push it to the ocean where it may be safely stored. Prior to turbines,
it was much more difficult to get dark from the rivers and lakes to the
ocean. The Indians recognized this problem, and tried to solve it. When
on a river in a canoe traveling in the same direction as the flow of the
dark, they paddled slowly, so as not to stop the flow of dark, but when
they traveled against the flow of dark, they paddled quickly so as to
help push the dark along its way.
Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to
stand in an illuminated room in front of a closed, dark closet, then
slowly open the closed door, you would see the light slowly enter the
closet, but since the dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the
dark leave the closet.
In conclusion, Bell Labs stated that dark suckers make all our lives
much easier. So the next time you look at an electric bulb remember that
it is indeed a dark sucker.
--
Brian W. Neuschwander
Beach City Gas Station
Santa Cruz, California
1979 Spitfire, 1965 Spitfire, 1963 Consul Capri
|