I just thought that you LBC folk would have a particular appreciation for
this one.
Euro-English
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The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the European Union
rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations Her Majesty's Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a
5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this
will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be
dropped in favour of the 'k'. This should klear up konfusion and
keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when
the troublesome 'ph' will be replased with the 'f'. This will make
words like 'fotograf' 20% shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double leters which
have always been a deterent to akurate speling. Also al wil agre that
the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it
should go away.
By the 4th yer peopl will be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th'
with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'. During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o'
be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and similar changes vud of kors
be aplid to oza kombinations of letas.
After ziz fifz yer ve vil have a rali sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no
mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu anderstand ech
oza. Ze drem of an united urop vil finali kum tru!
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