I find this so hilarious!!!!
We could have whipped those yankees if you had cooperated on the cotten
embargo. CHEERS!!
I am Marvin Eugene Henley
Confederate States of America
On Wed, 15 Nov 2000, Paul Garside wrote:
> NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
>
> To the citizens of the United States of America,
>
> In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to
> govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
> independence, effective today.
>
> Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over
> all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she
> does not fancy.
>
> Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you
> who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders)
> will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections.
> Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be
> circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
>
> To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules
> are introduced with immediate effect:
>
> 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then
> look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at
> just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise
> your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same
> twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you
> know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up
> "interspersed".
>
> 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on
> your behalf.
>
> 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It
> really isn't that hard.
>
> 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
> good guys.
>
> 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen",
> but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get
> confused and give up half way through.
>
> 6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of
> football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.
> The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders
> may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no
> longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
> Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult
> game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby
> (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for
> a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like
> nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by
> 2005.
>
> 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
> they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is
> a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians
> have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "shit".
>
> 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
> national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".
>
> 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your
> own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
>
> 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
>
> Thank you for your cooperation.
> ERII
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