[Spridgets] Fwd: New Electrical Theory

[Larry & Sandi Mller]

>> Lucas Electrics
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>>      Electrical Theory - by Joe Lucas
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>>
>>
>>      Positive ground (they meant "earth") depends on proper circuit
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>>      functioning, which is the transmission of negative ions by retention
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>>      of the visible spectral manifestation known as smoke.
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>>
>>
>>      Smoke is the thing that makes electrical circuits work. We know this
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>>      to be true because every time one lets the smoke out of an electrical
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>>      circuit, it stops working. This can be verified repeatedly through
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>>      empirical testing.
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>>
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>>      For example, if one places a copper bar across the terminals of a
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>>      battery, prodigious quantities of smoke are liberated and the battery
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>>      shortly ceases to function. In addition, if one observes smoke
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>>      escaping from an electrical component such as a Lucas voltage
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>>      regulator, it will also be observed that the component no longer
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>>      functions. The logic is elementary and inescapable!
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>>
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>>      The function of the wiring harness is to conduct the smoke from one
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>>      device to another.
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>>
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>>      When the wiring springs a leak and lets all the smoke out of the
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>>      system, nothing works afterward.
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>>
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>>      Starter motors were considered unsuitable for British motorcycles for
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>>      some time largely because they consumed large quantities of smoke,
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>>      requiring very unsightly large wires.
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>>
>>
>>      It has been reported that Lucas electrical components are possibly
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>>      more prone to electrical leakage than their Bosch, Japanese or
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>>      American counterparts. Experts point out that this is because Lucas
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>>      is British, and all things British leak. British engines leak oil,
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>>      British shock absorbers, hydraulic forks and disk brake systems leak
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>>      fluid, British tires leak air and British Intelligence leaks national
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>>      defense secrets.
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>>
>>
>>      Therefore, it follows that British electrical systems must leak
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>>      smoke. Once again, the logic is clear and inescapable.
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>>
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>>      In conclusion, the basic concept of transmission of electrical energy
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>>      in the form of smoke provides a logical explanation of the mysteries
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>>      of electrical components especially British units manufactured by
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>>      Joseph Lucas, Ltd.
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>>
>>
>>      And remember: A gentleman does not motor about after dark.
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>>
>>
>>      Joseph Lucas - The Prince of Darkness
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>>
>>
>>      A few Lucas quips:
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>>
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>>      The Lucas motto: Get home before dark.
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>>      Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit.
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>>      Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
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>>      Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
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>>      The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other
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>>      three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.
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>>
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>>      The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics.
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>>
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>>      If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.
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>>
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>>      Back in the '70s, Lucas decided to diversify its product line and
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>>      began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they
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>>      offered which did not suck.
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>>
>>
>>      Q: Why do the British drink warm beer?
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>>      A: Because Lucas makes their refrigerators.
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>> What's really scary:    Lucas make aviation control hydraulics for Boeing
and Airbus .  .  .