[Spridgets] I know this is OFF TOPIC (bitchers and whiners DELETE NOW), but it is TOO damned funny not to share

Brad Fornal tequila.brad at gmail.com
Sun Oct 30 08:13:01 MST 2011


The 5 Toughest Questions a Woman Can Ask a Man
The questions are:
What are you thinking about?
Do you love me?
Do I look fat?
Do you think she is prettier than me?
What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to
explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (I.e tells the
truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below,
along with possible responses.

*********

Question # 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive,
dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring,
intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This
response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most
likely is one of the following:

Baseball.
Football.
How fat you are.
How much prettier she is than you.
How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who
once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be
talking to you!")

*********

Question # 2: Do you love me?
The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in
order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include:
I suppose so.
Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
That depends on what you mean by love.
Does it matter?
Who, me?

*********

Question # 3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect
answers are:
Compared to what?
I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
A little extra weight looks good on you.
I've seen fatter.
Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend
the insurance money if you died.

*********

Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect
responses include:
Yes, but you have a better personality
Not prettier, but definitely thinner
Not as pretty as you, when you were her age
Define 'pretty'
Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend
the insurance money if you died.

*********

Question #5: What would you do if I died?
A definite no-win question. (The real answer, or course, is "Buy a
Corvette.")
No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of
follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:

*********

She....Would you get married again?

He.....Definitely not!

She....Why not - don't you like being married?

He.....Of course I do.

She....Then why wouldn't you remarry?

He.....Okay, I'd get married again.

She....You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)

He.....Yes, I would.

She....Would you sleep with her in our bed?

He.....Where else would we sleep?

She....Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of
her?

He.....That would seem like the proper thing to do.

She....And would you let her use my golf clubs?

He.....She can't use them; she's left-handed.


-- 
DON JULIO 1942

http://tequilabrad.com/


More information about the Spridgets mailing list