[Land-speed] Teacher arrested

[Rick Byrnes]

A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International
Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a
protractor, a compass, a slide-rule, and a calculator.  At a morning press
conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a
member of the notorious 'Al-Gebra' movement. He did not identify the man, who
has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said. 'They derive
solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of
absolute values. They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to
themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined that they
belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in
every country.'
As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every
triangle'.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, 'If God had wanted
us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more
fingers and toes..'  White House aides told reporters they could not recall a
more intelligent or profound statement by the President.
It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will follow.