[Healeys] Friday Funny: New Stock Exchange Terms

[Warthodson at aol.com]

NEW STOCK  MARKET TERMS 

NEW  STOCK MARKET TERMS 
CEO  --Chief Embezzlement  Officer. 
CFO-- Corporate  Fraud Officer. 
BULL MARKET  -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake 
himself for a  financial genius. 
BEAR  MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the 
wife gets  no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. 
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of  buying low and selling lower. 
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of  investors wetting their pants as the market 
keeps crashing. 
BROKER -- What my broker has made  me. 
STANDARD & POOR --  Your life in a nutshell. 
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just  downgraded your stock. 
STOCK  SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally 
between  themselves. 
FINANCIAL  PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. 
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day  after you buy stocks. 
CASH  FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. 
YAHOO  -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per 
share. 
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of  when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ 
$240 per share. 
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past  year investor who's now locked up in a 
nuthouse. 
PROFIT -- An archaic  word no longer in use. 


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