[Healeys] FW: Teacher Arrested

[Mark Goodman]

>From Alan Bandes

 

Teacher Arrested:

 

NEW YORK -- A public school teacher was arrested today at John F.

Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in

possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a

calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto

Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra

movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI

with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-gebra is a problem for

us," Gonzales said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and

sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They use

secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as

'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator

of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek

philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every

triangle'." When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "

If God had wanted us to have

better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more

fingers and toes." White House aides told reporters they could not

recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the president.

 

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