Subject: [Tigers] FW: ELECTRICAL THEORY BY JOSEPH LUCAS]

From: "Clyde McLaughlin" <[email-masked]>
Date: Fri, 17 Oct 2014 21:27:30 -0400

From: [email-masked] [mailto:[email-masked]]
Sent: Friday, October 17, 2014 3:49 PM
Subject: Fwd: ELECTRICAL THEORY BY JOSEPH LUCAS]

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From: "Pinnegar, Mike" <[email-masked]>
To: "Pinnegar, Mike" <[email-masked]>
Sent: Wednesday, May 21, 2014 2:06:36 PM
Subject: ELECTRICAL THEORY BY JOSEPH LUCAS]

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It is a few years since I have seen this, but the logic is
inescapable.---particularly if you have owned an English car.

ELECTRICAL THEORY BY JOSEPH LUCAS

Positive ground depends on proper circuit functioning, which is the
transmission of negative ions by retention of the visible spectral
manifestation known as bsmokeb.
Smoke is the thing that makes electrical circuits work. We know this to be
true because every time one lets the smoke out of an electrical circuit, it
stops working. This can be verified repeatedly through empirical testing.

For example, if one places a copper bar across the terminals of a battery,
prodigious quantities of smoke are liberated and the battery shortly ceases to
function. In addition, if one observes smoke escaping from an electrical
component such as a Lucas voltage regulator, it will also be observed that the
component no longer functions. The logic is elementary and inescapable!

The function of the wiring harness is to conduct the smoke from one device to
another. When the wiring springs a leak and lets all the smoke out of the
system, nothing works afterward.

Starter motors were considered unsuitable for British motorcycles for some
time largely because they consumed large quantities of smoke, requiring very
unsightly large wires.
It has been reported that Lucas electrical components are possibly more prone
to electrical leakage than their Bosch, Japanese or American counterparts.
Experts point out that this is because Lucas is British, and all things
British leak. British engines leak oil, British shock absorbers, hydraulic
forks and disk brake systems leak fluid, British tires leak air and British
Intelligence leaks national defense secrets.

Therefore, it follows that British electrical systems must leak smoke. Once
again, the logic is clear and inescapable.

In conclusion, the basic concept of transmission of electrical energy in the
form of smoke provides a logical explanation of the mysteries of electrical
components especially British units manufactured by Joseph Lucas, Ltd.

And remember: bA gentleman does not motor about after dark.b

Joseph Lucas bThe Prince of Darknessb
1842-1903

A few Lucas quips:

The Lucas motto: bGet home before dark.b

Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit.

Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper.

Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three switch
settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.

The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics.

If Lucas made guns, wars would not start

Back in the b70s, Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began
manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which did
not suck.

Q: Why do the British drink warm beer?

A: Because Lucas makes their refrigerators.
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From: Jay Laifman <[email-masked]>
Date: Fri, 17 Oct 2014 18:38:21 -0700

Ok I do think these things are funny.  But I have to say that in 35 years of
Alpine ownership (and now Tiger ownership), I've never had any electric
problems that I didn't cause by adding gauges and radio - except for one
alternator went bad in 1980 when driving back from Disneyland with my sister
(though it was a mechanical failure that I fixed on the side of the road).
I've heard that it wasn't Lucas, but the quality of the parts that the
companies could afford.  Lucas had better stuff, and would supply it per
order.  So maybe Rootes paid more than BMC did for its cars (at least in my
experience).

But, I still enjoy these jokes.

On Oct 17, 2014, at 6:27 PM, Clyde McLaughlin wrote:

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