>>>
>>> If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes", >>>
delete it immediately. >>> >>> Do not
open it. Apparently, this one is pretty nasty. It will not only
>>> erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete
anything on >>> disks within 20 feet of your computer.
>>>
>>> It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit
cards and de-programs >>> your ATM access code. It
screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses sub-space
>>> field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play.
>>>
>>> It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness
settings so all your ice >>> cream melts and your milk
curdles.
>>>
>>> It will program your phone to call only your
mother-in-law's number and >>> allow incoming calls only
from sales persons.
>>> This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank
and change all your votes to Republican.
>>>
>>> It will drink all your beer. It will leave dirty
socks on the coffee >>> table when you are expecting
company.
>>>
>>> It's radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam
and bellybutton fuzz >>> (be honest, you have some) to
migrate behind your ears.
>>>
>>> It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair
with Rogaine, all >>> while dating your current
boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing >>> their
hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.
>>>
>>>
It will cause you to run with >>> scissors and throw
things in a way that is only fun, until someone loses an eye.
>>>
>>> It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea. It
will rewrite your >>> backup files, changing all your
active verbs to passive tense and incorporating >>>
undetectable misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of
key >>> sentences.
>>> It will cause you to call out the name of your last
boy/girl friend, when making >>> love, then reverse the
effects of Viagra.
>>>
>>> I
t will send your diary to your mother
>>> and redo your tax returns honestly for the past seven (7) years.
>>> If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows
environment, it will >>> leave the toilet seat up and
leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously >>> close
to a full bathtub.
>>>
>>> I >>> >>> t will grow
hair on a billiard ball-but surely ruin your game.
>>>
>>> I
t will amplify the >>> decibels of all your expressions
of flatus to loudspeaker levels, but change the >>> odor
to that of popcorn.
>>> It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your
mattresses and >>> pillows, but it will also refill your
skim milk with whole milk and replace all >>> your
luncheon meat with Spam.
>>>
>>> It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or
perfume, causing it to >>> smell like low tide mud. It
is insidious and subtle.
It is dangerous and >>> terrifying to behold.
It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
>>>
>>> It will reward your pets for accidents and punish
them for obeying (husbands >>> and other dumb animals
included).
>>> It will turn your house/apartment walls to plain
glass and your kind words into >>> stones.
Your chocolate will taste like cauliflower and your coffee/tea will lose
>>> all caffeine.
Antacids become Exlax and birth control pills become aspirins.
>>> All accusations come out confessions and compliments
become threats.
>>> These are just a few signs of infection. YOU HAVE
BEEN WARNED!!!! BEWARE!!!!!
>>>
>>> PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!!
>>>
>>>
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