Hi, guys
At the risk of bandwidth, I thought you'd appreciate these two stories.
It's a lovely day in the Old Country today - and I've just returned home
having thoroughly enjoyed myself driving old Triumphs and a year old
Mini-Cooper. What I enjoyed more, was entirely wasting the salesmen's time.
I don't normally do this, but when I spot a salesman who in MHO is a
congenital pratt, I can't pass up the opportunity.
Today, I met two!
The first port of call was a so-called 'Classic Car' emporium selling a
variety of LBC's mostly Spridgets and B's but they did have a GT6 and a
Spitfire. Firstly, I was told the Spitfire was one of the very first ever
built. It just happened to be a very late Mk3 first registered in 1969. I
said nothing and asked if I could drive.
"Of course. Are you looking for this sort of car?"
"I might be."
We took to the road and at the first set of traffic lights, I engaged first
gear and the clutch obligingly spun thus allowing that lovely 'clang'.
"We'll get that fixed before delivery," said he.
"Oh, really? What's wrong with it?" I asked.
"Synchro's shot. Shouldn't do that."
"Oh, is it a synchro'd first"
"Oh, yes. They all were."
We did our journey - and the bulls**t kept on coming. Then we returned and
took out the GT6 - a rather nice Mk 1.
There's a very recently opened by-pass near this establishment with little
traffic on it and the traffic island at the far end was slightly greasy
from a light shower of early morning rain. As we entered the island, I
selected 2nd gear, and floored the accelerator as we went round it. Of
course, under such conditions, the back wheels did just what I wanted them
to do by tucking under and losing all adhesion and we did the trip round
the whole island with the back end hanging out beautifully on about half
full opposite lock.
So I did it again.
Then I looked at his face - and he was white, indeed almost transparent. We
returned to the showroom and in the process, he told me that in his humble
opinion, I wasn't capable of driving an old sports car. We pulled on to the
forecourt and looked at both the cars.
"May I ask you a very personal question?" I said.
"Sure."
"How old are you?"
"Twenty seven" I must say, he looked older than that.
"So that means you were born in 1971-ish?"
"You got it in one."
We went inside so he could record details.
"Here's my card," said he.
"Thank you," said I, "here's mine"
I should stress its one of many old ones I've kept and I found a bundle of
them the other day.
It says, among other things, John Macartney, Personal Export Sales
Division, Standard Triumph Sales Limited, Berkeley Square, London W1.
He looked at it mesmerised.
"Oh, in the trade are you?"
"Not now. But I was - a long time ago. In fact I was selling these cars as
an employee of the manufacturer before you were born. What's more," I
added, "I've never heard so much twaddle and piffle about the product as
I've heard from you over the last 45 minutes. Your product knowledge is
zero and in my personal opinion, you're not safe to sell oranges on a
market stall - let alone classic cars."
"Well, aren't you going to buy one or the other?"
"Not at the prices you're asking. Forget the synchro on first on the
Spitfire. It never had it on that model, but the whole front suspension is
shot and I'll give the diff about 5000 miles before it expires completely.
GT6 is OK but you ought to do something about the water leak in the sump.
The oil in there shouldn't look like milky chocolate."
I got into my trusty and battered piece of Japcrap and when to call on the
Mini-Cooper garage.
I won't bore you with any more details apart from the fact that according
to this salesman, the Cooper S of days of yore only had external badging
and different seats to make it an S, it never had twin tanks, the wheels
were always and only Minilites and that the present Cooper is faster,
develops more torque and more absolute bhp.
Okay, in my experience, no car salesman of today has ever had the IN-DEPTH
product training I had to undergo continuously, not only of my products but
those of my competitors - because for the most part they are just order
takers, and probably always will be. What really grieves me is that part of
my hard earned money goes towards these people's salaries as "a commission
to compensate THEM for selling ME a car."
John Macartney
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