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Subject: FW: Shot in the Foot
Date: Tue, 16 Dec 1997 06:33:32 -0800
> THE PROGRAMMER'S QUICK GUIDE TO THE LANGUAGES
>
>
>
> The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem
> to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it
> difficult to remember what language you're currently using. This handy
> reference is offered as a public service to help programmers who find
> themselves in such a dilemma.
>
>
>
> TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot.
>
> C: You shoot yourself in the foot.
>
> C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot
> them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is
> impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are
> just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over there."
>
> FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run
> out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out
> of bullets, you continue with the attempts to shoot yourself anyways
> because you have no exception-handling capability.
>
> Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.
>
> Ada: After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently
> load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the
> foot. When you try, however, you discover you can't because your foot
> is of the wrong type.
>
> COBOL: Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place
> ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to
> HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be re-tied.
>
> LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
> which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
> which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
> which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
> which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
> which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...
>
> FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot.
>
> Prolog: You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot.
> The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't permit it
> to explain it to you.
>
> BASIC: Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On large
> systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.
>
> Visual Basic: You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the
> foot, but you'll have had so much fun doing it that you won't care.
>
> HyperTalk: Put the first bullet of gun into foot left of leg of you.
> Answer the result.
>
> Motif: You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the
> bullet, its trajectory, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory
> handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the
> trigger, the gun jams.
>
> APL: You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out
> how to do it in fewer characters.
>
> SNOBOL: If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail,
> shoot yourself in the right foot.
>
> Unix: % ls
> foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
> % rm * .o
> rm:.o no such file or directory
> % ls
> %
>
>
> Concurrent Euclid: You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.
>
> 370 JCL: You send your foot down to MIS and include a 400-page
> document explaining exactly how you want it to be shot. Three years
> later, your foot comes back deep-fried.
>
> Paradox: Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can,
> too.
>
> Access: You try to point the gun at your foot, but it shoots holes in
> all your Borland distribution diskettes instead.
>
> Revelation: You're sure you're going to be able to shoot yourself in
> the foot, just as soon as you figure out what all these nifty little
> bullet-thingies are for.
>
> Assembler: You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to discover you
> must first invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot.
>
> Modula2: After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything
> in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
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