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To settle the matter once and for all

To: "thicko" <team-thicko@autox.team.net>
Subject: To settle the matter once and for all
From: "Jon Paschke" <birdman@lightspeed.net>
Date: Wed, 22 Dec 1999 21:08:54 -0800

 Hi folks! this one is funny....regards and God Bless us ALL!!!
 
  Beer vs. Pussy
 
  A beer is always wet.
  A pussy needs encouragement.
  Advantage: Beer.
 
  A beer tastes horrible served hot.
  A pussy tastes better served hot.
  Advantage: Pussy.
 
  Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied.
  Having an ice cold pussy makes you Hillary Clinton.
  Advantage: Beer.
 
  Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones.
  Pussy does not.
  Advantage: Tie.
 
  If you get a hair in your teeth consuming pussy, you
  are not disgusted.
  Advantage: Pussy
 
  24 beers come in a box.
  A pussy is a box you can come in.
  Advantage: Pussy.
 
  Too much head makes you mad at the person giving you
  beer.
  Advantage: Pussy.
 
  If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is still edible.
  Advantage: Beer.
 
  If you come home smelling like beer, your wife may
  get mad.
  If you come home smelling like pussy, she will
  definitely get mad.
  Advantage: Beer.
 
  6 beers in a night and you better not drive.
  6 pussies in a night and you have done all the
  driving you need.
  Advantage: Pussy
 
  Buy too much beer and you will get fat.
  Buy too much pussy and you will get poor.
  Advantage: Tie
 
  It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the
  stands at a football game.
  You are a legend if you have a pussy in the stands
  at a football game.
  Advantage: Pussy
 
  If a cop smells beer on your breath, you are going
  to get a Breathalyzer.
  If a cop smells pussy on your breath, you are going
  to get a high five.
  Advantage: Pussy
 
  With beer, bigger is better.
  Advantage: Beer.
 
  Wearing a condom does not make a beer any less
  enjoyable.
  Advantage: Beer.
 
  Pussy can make you see God.
  Beer can make you see the porcelain god.
  Advantage: Pussy
 
  If you think all day about your next beer, you are
  an alcoholic.
  If you think all day about the next pussy you will
  have, you are normal.
  Advantage: Pussy
 
  Peeling labels off of beers is fun.
  Peeling panties off of pussy is more fun.
  Advantage: Pussy.
 
  If you try to snag a beer at work, you get fired.
  If you try to snag pussy at work, you get hit with
  sexual harassment.
  Advantage: Tie.
 
  If you suddenly drop a beer, it may break.
  If you suddenly drop a pussy, it may hunt you down
 like the dog you are.
  Advantage: Beer.
 
  If you change to another beer, your old brand will
  gladly have you back.
  Advantage: Beer.
 
  The best pussy you have ever had is not gone once
  you have enjoyed it.
  Advantage: Pussy.
 
  The worst pussy you have ever had is not gone once
  you have enjoyed it.
  Advantage: Beer.
 
  Bad beer: Schlitz, PBR, Old Swill.
  Bad pussy: Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright.
  (Talking about Madeline Albright. Madeline Albright
  was in the Pentagon with the Joint Chiefs of Staff 
  when she said, "What shall we do today, gentlemen, 
  shall we make love or war?"  There was no contest.)
  Advantage: Tie
 
  The government taxes beer.
  Advantage: Pussy.
 
  It's a close call, but the numbers never lie.
  Advantage: Pussy.
 




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