"The Modern Toolbox"
Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict
pain on ones enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict
pain on oneself.
Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you
call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage
you did while trying to change out a tail light socket in your newly
painted car with your handy screwdriver.
Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when the
damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka.
Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary
few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down
behind the new body panel it took you two weeks to install.
Multi-Pliers - Contain a handy assortment of sharp and
dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn
on a homeowners belt to increase testosterone levels.
Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never
goes off when you point it at yourself.
Halogen Light - A work light that lights up your garage or drivewaywith the
incandescence of a football stadium, causing
you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working
on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway.
Cordless Drill - A device that lessens your chance of
electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool.
Cordless Telephone - The handyman's 911.
Air Compressor - A mechanical device similar in principal
to harnessing the power of your mother-in-laws nagging
complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old
paint off the side of the house.
Chain saw - Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that
you accidentally built completely around yourself.
Vise Grips - A pair of helping hands that doesn't critique
the job you're doing or offer advice.
Robert Houston
Texan in New Mexico
73 Midget
63 TR4
An appeal to arms and the God of hosts is all that is left us. But we shall
not fight our battle alone. There is a just God that presides over the
destinies of nations. The battle sir, is not of the strong alone. Is life so
dear
or peace so sweet as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery?
Forbid it almighty God. I know not what course others may take, but as for me,
give me liberty, or give me death. Patrick Henry
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