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Humour

To: spridgets mailing list <spridgets@Autox.Team.Net>
Subject: Humour
From: Robert Duquette <RobertDuquette@compuserve.com>
Date: Thu, 23 Jul 1998 06:49:33 -0400
Reply-to: Robert Duquette <RobertDuquette@compuserve.com>
Sender: owner-spridgets@Autox.Team.Net
<humour>
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly
compared the computer industry with the auto industry and
stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer
industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars
that got 1000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press
release stating(by Mr Welch himself):
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all
be driving cars with the following characteristics:


1.  For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a
    day.

2.  Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would
    have to buy a new car.

3.  Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no
    reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.

4.  Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn,
    would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in
    which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5.  Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you
    bought "Car95" or "CarNT."  But then you would have to
    buy more seats.

6.  Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun,
    reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but
    would only run on five per cent of the roads.

7.  The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights
    would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning
    light.

8.  New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

9.  The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock
    you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously
    lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the
    radio antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe
    set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even
    though they neither need them nor want them.  Attempting to
    delete this option would immediately cause the car's
    performance to diminish by 50% or more.  Moreover, GM would
    become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.

12. Everytime GM introduced a new model car buyers would
    have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the
    controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

13. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

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