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Bagpipe Gags, minimal LBC content

To: triumphs@autox.team.net, spitfires@autox.team.net
Subject: Bagpipe Gags, minimal LBC content
From: DANMAS@aol.com
Date: Tue, 4 May 1999 20:54:38 EDT
Listers,

A fairly common occurrence at a British car shows is the appearance of a 
Bagpipe player, so this is not altogether unrelated to the list topics. Just 
for the record, I'm one of the few who actually enjoys the sound of a 
Bagpipe, so no flames, please, from Bagpipe enthusiasts.
 ------------------------------------------------------
 Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
 A. No one cries when you chop up a bagpipe.
 -----------------------------------------------------
 Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline?
 A. You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
 -----------------------------------------------------
 Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?
 A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit
    any of the ducks.
 ------------------------------------------------------
 Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
 A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.
 -----------------------------------------------------
 Q. What's the difference between a lawn mower and a bagpipe?
 A. You can tune the lawn mower. 
 -----------------------------------------------------
 Q. If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for
    directions: an in-tune bagpipe player, an out-of-tune
    bagpipe player, or Santa Claus?
 A. The out-of-tune bagpipe player. The other two indicate you
     are hallucinating.
 -------------------------------------------------------
 Q. How do you make a chain saw sound like a bagpipe?
 A. Add vibrato.
 -------------------------------------------------------
 Q. What's the definition of a gentleman?
 A. Someone who knows how to play the bagpipe and doesn't.
 -------------------------------------------------------
 Q. What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and
     a dead bagpiper in the road?
 A. Skid marks in front of the snake.
 ------------------------------------------------------
 Q. What's the difference between a dead bagpiper in the road
     and a dead country singer in the road?
 A. The country singer may have been on the way to a recording
     session.
 ------------------------------------------------------
 Q. What's the range of a bagpipe?
 A. Twenty yards if you have a good arm.
 ----------------------------------------------------
 Q. Why are bagpiper's fingers like lightning?
 A. They rarely strike the same spot twice.
 -----------------------------------------------------
 Q. How can you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune?
 A. Someone is blowing into it.
 -----------------------------------------------------
 Q. What do you call ten bagpipes at the bottom of the ocean?
 A. A good start.
 ------------------------------------------------------
 Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
 A. To get away from the sound.
 ------------------------------------------------------
 Q. What's the definition of "optimism"
 A. A bagpiper with a beeper.
 -----------------------------------------------
 Q. Did you hear the one about the bagpiper who parked his 
      car with the windows open, forgetting that he had left his 
     bagpipes in the back seat?
  A. He rushed back as soon as he realized it, but it was too
      late -- someone had already put another set of bagpipes in the
      car!
 *************************************
Name withheld out of fear of reprisal!

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