There was quite a bit of discussion recently on the list about computer
virii.. Here are a few more to watch out for:
COLIN POWELL VIRUS: Makes its presence known, but doesn't do
anything. Secretly, you wish it would.
O.J. SIMPSON VIRUS: You know it's guilty of trashing your system,
but
you just can't prove it.
BOB DOLE VIRUS: Could be virulent, but it's been around too long
to
be much of a threat.
AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service
you're getting.
MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you that you're paying too
much for the AT&T virus.
PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around.
It
warns you of impending hard disk attack. Once, if by LAN; twice if
by
C:\.
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never identifies itself as a "virus",
but
instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism".
ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just
before the whole thing quits.
MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to
run.
TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGAR VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident. It'll
be
back.
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
software says everything is fine.
FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of
little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of
which
claim to be the most important part of your computer.
GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PC's infected will lose 30
percent
of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent
margin of error).
TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, and the screen splits
in
half with the same message appearing on each side of the screen.
The
message says that the blame for the gridlock is caused by the other
side.
AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in
Singapore.
FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its
own
motherboard.
PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.
SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables,
power
supply, and a set of shocks.
HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing
wrong,
and sends you a bill for $4,500.
Finally, there is the LUCAS VIRUS: Makes your computer have the same
reliability as your Lucas fuel pump.
(Come to think of it, I guess I've got that one!)
Bill Harkins
Fallbrook, CA
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