[BOUNCE mgs@Autox.Team.Net: Message too long (>10000 chars)]
Date: Tue, 03 Jun 1997 01:28:34 +0100
From: Robert Allen <boballen@sky.net>
Subject: Getting Too Close to the Flame
I find it disheartening to see where these posts are going.
1) Computers are here to stay; they are better; to not appreciate them
makes you an embecile.
2) All this talk of beating the emissions is from the crys of morons who
feel they have the right to pollute the air
As for Number 1:
I don't own an LBC to appreciate the finer points of computers on
automobiles. I make my living writing computer programs and have been
doing so since the LBCs were available on dealership showrooms. Its a
pretty mind-numbing way to make a living.
My 'driver' is a 1996 Dodge Dakota pickup truck. It has a pretty smart
computer living on top of the right fenderwell. It was the first
generation for the 'new' OBD II system. Older systems just tried to keep
the car running within parameters. With OBD II, the computer is now
running internal diagnostics on the car trying to hunt down and report
bad components.
This all sounds wonderful. And, in fact, it is just fine on my driver.
Except I broke a federal statute when I replaced the cat-back system
with a '95 model Gibson exhaust system. OBD II and our benevolent
government mandates an O2 sensor on each side of the cat. So I plumbed
in the downstream fitting to satisfy the computer. But this broke the
law -- tampering. The little small block V8 runs just fine, however.
Of course, you can only do so much. The computer technology is too slow
to work in real time. It can be pretty much spot on if you drive your
Camry like a pauper. But if you have a performance motor and you really
jump on it, things happen too fast for the computers to keep up. Then
they just revert to some pre-programmed logic cemented to their
motherboards. Then they are quite a bit dumber than a poorly-tuned SU.
They go into 'open loop' and just wing it and don't adjust to the
environment. And there is no way for us neandrathals to work with it
either on the new cars.
And then there is the transmission. It shifts soft and early to meet the
government mandated CAFE economy standards. And there really isn't much
you can do about it. The shifts are controlled by the computer, of
course, and it cannot be changed. The 'new' OBD II diagnostics computer
do not have the 'RT' package available from MOPAR. So if I want to
accelerate briskly, I must accelerate very, very quickly to keep ahead
of the transmission. "No user serviceable parts inside." Gas mileage
plummets when you drive aggressively. U.S. government in action.
This is a decently powerful computer. It has a lot more memory now and
it stores a pretty sophisticated control program on an EPROM. If you
could work with the ERPOM, you could change the car and pass emissions
but tilt it towards the car enthusiasts. Well, you used to be able to do
that. Now the ERPOM is solderd to the board and the board is dipped in
EPOXY. Now you get it the way the government and Chrysler wants it. I
paid a pretty penny for that computer upgrade.
But the computer is pretty smart. It can do fault diagnosis down to the
component level and report the malfunction. But not to me. Some of the
emissions propellor heads -- the ones that developed the computer --
suggested writing out the fault diagnosis to an LED display. Like the
one that is on the cheesy radio that you must buy 'standard' equipment.
The LED display could tell you exactly which spark plug/wire/cylinder is
faulty. But it won't tell me that data. The government specifically
banned that type of interface. After all, the subjects being ruled might
reason that the 'fault code' wasn't serious enough to fix right away and
a couple more Spotted Owls cold get asthmatic.
So we're stuck with the idiot light. And, yes, if you remember the
obtuse sequence, the idiot light will wink at you the Morse code for the
fault. If you can remember the sequence when it finally breaks out there
in the middle of nowhere.
Of course, we could all be geniuses if you drop a C note for the manual.
Yep, that's true. But it is actually several manuals. And they will be a
couple of 'C' notes to get the complete the set so you can become an
expert in an evening. And even then you would have to be able to read
pretty fast. You see, the manuals are not anything close to Bentleys.
The problem you are researching will not be in a simple fault diagram.
There are too many possible faults. They are pretty disjointed with many
redundant entries. They do this on purpose. The text is prepared to flow
best on the computerized version that the big dealers get. The printed
version only goes to the backwater dealers -- who the car companies are
quickly trying to run out of business. And to the few dweebs like me who
actually paid the money on a couple of cars.
But the little truck runs fine and fast with the 318 V8. I hope it
continues to do so. Because working on it is just about as much fun as
overhauling a VCR.
The SO's driver is a 1995 Camaro Z28. Snuck in under the wire with the
OBD systems. It is undoubtedly the best road car I have ever had the
opportunity to change the oil and wax. And that's about all I can
stomach. The pulgs will last 100,000 miles before a tuneup. They better.
I ain't gonna attempt it.
And awful lot of computer power went into the design of that engine and
stuffing that motor into the car. Clearence is very, very, tight just
about everywhere. I understand that there are many hop up parts for the
car. You had better be good and have very agile fingers and slender
wrists. And be very careful. The computer saw no reason not to leave
very sharp edges on all the heat shields, bracktry, and even connectors.
But why not? The computer has never changed a set of plugs.
Previous 'drivers' were a 1985 Honda Accord and a 1988 Chevy Pickup. I
bought the complete set of belts and hoses for the Accord. Took two of
them back. Those clever Japanese engineers had got their computers to
design a very effiecient platform. And there probably are a few 9 years
olds capable of getting into it to replace belts and hoses. But it ain't
me. I sold it. As long as it is going to be an appliance, it might as
well be a damn fine, fast, high-performance one. So the Camaro followed
the SO home a couple of years ago.
The 1988 Chevy pickup truck developed a short. Leave it sit for a week
or just take it on short errands and the battery would go flat. The
dealer couldn't fix it. The 'fault diangosis' chart for that type of
problem wasn't in their computers.
I hate computers. They are a major part of my life. I don't see the
imrpovement to match the baggage they have brought along. We now just
have faster, more efficient, way more expensive appliances.
As for Number 2:
I have no right to pollute the air? The tree huggers are going to
surround the compound and take my '69CGT away? And if I resist, what
will they do -- burn the house down? Well, I'm stocking up on toxic
household chemicals. If they show up with their tanks and flame
throwers, I'll gas all the little kiddies within four blocks with all
the old carb cleaner and latex paint I have horded!
I should conform! Buy a nice little effiecient Japanese car. Get in line
every morining in the traffic. Nose to tail. Into the maze to make a
living. Maybe I can dial into the bank with my cell phone and balance my
checkbook on the way in.
No thanks. The C/GT is a little different. It has three Weber DCOEs to
feed the 3-liter six. I don't back it into the garage because the fumes
will get into the heating ducts. And when I fire it up, I try to back it
out to the street to let it warm because the black spot it leaves before
it comes to temperture is easier to wash off there. The 'Greens' would
go into toxic shock at the site.
Well, screw'em. Maybe sometime the EPA Nazis will make it to my
neighborhood. And maybe I'll move. Again. Personally I think anyone who
lives in the L.A. Basin must be crazy and certainly should be held
accountable for the irrepariable harm they are doing to the environment.
Packing that many people in that small a space -- and then promoting
commuting with their terrible freeways! That should be a crime. But just
because I feel strongly about this bias, it is only my bias and does
not, necessarily, make it right for everyone.
It takes hydrocarbons, sunlight, and heat to make smog. Smog has several
elements. And it comes from many soureces. Industry and trees put out
almost as much polution as a good car. Not all of the 'bad things' are
visible smog. Some of it will be abosorbed by plant life it there aren't
too many humans in the mix. Some of the rest turns into nitrous oxide
which is a pretty bad thing. But if you only have two out of three, you
don't get smog. The number of times that Kansas City had the right
conditions to produce smog last year was, ah, zero. The year before that
there were three events. During all of those events the C/GT was in the
garage bothering no one. It will take a very long time before the Sierra
Club will convince me that the car parked in my garage is the enemy of
their agenda. My 'gross polluter' hides from the traffic and hunts for
blue highways. The noxiuos fumes are eaily dismentated on the long,
twisty, and deserted back roads.
I'm sorry about this lecture. I am just really tired of self-rightous
breast-beaters deciding that their narrow view of the world is the only
one. I scratched a few notes on my way home from work. Things I wanted
to get across. For the most part, I guess I also take an extremist view.
As far as I'm concerned, the environmentalists can kiss my butt. And I
really don't buy the computer-as-god bullshit either. They are merely a
tool. Effective, impersonal, faulty, and completely unglamorous. It's
like loving a river rock.
All of these thoughts crossed my mind as I was riding the bus out of
downtown on my way home. You can cover a lot of ground in the 30 minute
commute out to the suburbs. A bus you say? I'm not an enthusiast? Just
what part, exactly, is there to be enthusiasitc about slipping the
clutch of my 'sports car' in the rat race to the office?
Living for the weekends,
Bob Allen, Kansas City, '69CGT, '75TR6
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