This was sent to me by Bob who I met through the MG BBS website.
Pretty funny!!!!
Mike
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The following came from a local Jaguar Newsletter submitted by George Cohn:
You know you've owned a Jaguar (or insert the name of your favorite British
Car) too long when...........
- You always park downhill
- The guy at the parts house is listed as a dependent on your income
tax form
- You get in a car and are surprised when all of the instruments work
- You tell your wife that you were out until 3AM because the car
broke down........and she believes you
- The family is no longer upset in having to share the dinner table
with a bunch of SU parts
- You don't trust anyone named Lucas
- When your generator dies, you just pull another out of your Lucas
pile of bits
- You wash your hands BEFORE working in the engine compartment
- You'd rather give the family pitbull a bath than tune your SU
carburetors again
- You allow four hours for a trip, 3 for repairs and 1 for driving
- You can unstick a jammed starter in the dark, in the rain, in 5
minutes and don't think it's a big deal
- There's no oil on the garage floor so you know the car's
completely empty
- Your car makes a funny sound and you immediately know what's wrong,
how much it will cost, and what tools you will need to repair it
Nothing beats looking at a car advertised as "like new" and finding
it actually looks like two wildcats got loose in the interior.
Below are a few common phrases in used car ads and what they really mean.
"Needs nothing" means "I like it the way it is, but of course I am
easily pleased."
"Over xxx USD spent in past year" means "I am tired of throwing money
down this rat hole, now it can be your turn."
"Turns heads" means "people turn away to barf when they see this
coming."
"Rare optional xxxx" means "Original owner ordered options no one
wanted then or now."
"Rare color combination" means "Original owner had no taste."
"Complete cosmetic restoration" means "I just invested in a can of
Turtle Wax and a bottle of Armorall."
"Partial restoration" means "Couldn't spring for the Armorall."
"Spares included" means "You can also have the worn out parts I took
off of the car."
"Recent complete mechanical overhaul" means "I just added a name
brand ring and seal sealer (mechanic in a can) to the oil."
"No rust" means "Bondo does not rust"
"Some rust" means " "Iron oxide lovers dream."
"Never driven in rain" means "Refuses to run in damp weather and the
wipers don't work."
"Never driven at night" means "Lights don't work either."
"Drive it home" means "be sure to bring a cell phone and your AAA
membership card when you pick this one up."
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