........and at the risk of incurring the wrath of Kim:
Results of a contest for "theories" sponsored by (censored)
magazine:
GRAND PRIZE WINNER
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet. And when toast
is
dropped, it always lands with the buttered side facing down. I
propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the two will
hover, spinning inches above the ground. With a giant buttered cat
array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with
Chicago.
RUNNERS-UP:
#1
If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of
pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an
infinite
number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the
world's
great literary works in Braille.
#2
Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on
your
eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances
other
people's ear pressures, so they must yawn to even it out.
#3
Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have
no
alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate ideas at a
faster rate.
#4
The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as
a
figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in
close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to
spin dangerously fast.
HONORABLE MENTION:
The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If
omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian
"pahks" his "cah," the lost r's migrate southwest, causing a Texan
to
"warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells."
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