>HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is
> used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive car parts not far
> from the object we are trying to hit.
>
>MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of
> cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly
> well on boxes containing convertible tops or tonneau covers.
>
>ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel pop rivets in
> their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for
> drilling rollbar mounting holes in the floor of a sports car just
> above the brake line that goes to the rear axle.
>
>HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
> principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
> motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more
> dismal your future becomes.
>
>VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available,
> they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm
> of your hand.
>
>OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting those stale garage
> cigarettes you keep hidden in the back of the Whitworth socket
> drawer (What wife would think to look in _there_?) because you can
> never remember to buy lighter fluid for the Zippo lighter you got
> from the PX at Fort Campbell.
>
>ZIPPO LIGHTER: See oxyacetylene torch.
>
>WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and
> motorcycles, they are now used mainly for hiding six-month old
> Salems from the sort of person who would throw them away for no good
> reason.
>
>DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat
> metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest
> and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against the
> Rolling Stones poster over the bench grinder.
>
>WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere
> under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes
> fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar callouses in about the
> time it takes you to say, "Django Reinhardt".
>
>HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a Mustang to the ground after
> you have installed a set of Ford Motorsports lowered road springs,
> trapping the jack handle firmly under the front air dam.
>
>EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a car upward off a
> hydraulic jack.
>
>TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.
>
>PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor Chris to see if he has another
> hydraulic floor jack.
>
>SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for
> spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.
>
>E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and
> is ten times harder than any known drill bit.
>
>TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup
> on crankshaft pulleys.
>
>TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile
> strength of ground straps and hydraulic clutch lines you may have
> forgotten to disconnect.
>
>CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool
> that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the
> end without the handle.
>
>BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid
> from car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining
> that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.
>
>AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.
>
>TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop
> light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin"
> which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits
> aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about
> the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say,
> the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than
> light, its name is somewhat misleading.
>
>PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style
> paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be
> used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.
>
>AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning
> power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air
> that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips
> rusty suspension bolts last tightened 40 years ago by someone in
> Abingdon, Oxfordshire, and rounds them off.
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