Well Sumner, since you brought it up:
On page 242 of the abridged Starr Report, you may note that even the
President's petcock occasionally freezes up. There are several
traditional means of freeing these pesky things up. At times even
your rose garden variety, mechanically-ignorant interns can get
these things flowing again.
The most standard means in current vogue in our nation's capital is
the use of blowtorch and hammer, known in DC as the Rodham maneuver
or Hillary hammer. It's not subtle and not always effective.
There are many less abrasive ways of getting a frozen petcock
operating again, including the use of a silky loin cloth cut in the
style our Brit cousins are so fond of. There are also said to be
ways a petcock may be coaxed back to life manually or by other means,
but the details are too salacious to recount here.
In short, I am both stunned and saddened to hear that you motor
around with a frozen petcock. Please avail yourself of some options.
I am not an expert on frozen petcocks, have not yet encountered one
personally, but I trust that with some sage advice from the more
seasoned voices on this list, we can have your petcock running again
in no time and with relatively few parts, labor or legal fees.
My condolences and best wishes for a full recovery,
Geezer
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