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Off Subject: past humor all the way to nonsense!

To: triumphs@Autox.Team.Net, spitfires@Autox.Team.Net
Subject: Off Subject: past humor all the way to nonsense!
From: "Brad Kahler" <Brad.Kahler@141.com>
Date: Mon, 11 May 1998 19:05:15 -0600
Subject:  Dam Quality Assurance


This was an actual letter from and reply to the Michigan Department of
Environmental Quality.

 ----Original Message-----

 State of Michigan

Reply To: Grand Rapids District Office
State Office Building 6th Floor
350 Ottawa NW
Grand Rapids MI 49503-2341

John Engler, Governor
Department Of Environmental Quality
Hollister Building, PO Box 30473,
Lansing MI 48909-7973

Russell J. Harding, Director

December 17, 1997

CERTIFIED

Mr. Ryan DeVries
2088 Dagget
Pierson, MI 49339

Dear Mr. DeVries:

SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023-1 T11N, R10W,
Sec. 20, Montcalm County

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental
Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above
referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal
landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized
activity: Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across
the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A
review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been
issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is
in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural
Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts
of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan
Compiled Laws, annotated. The Department has been informed that one or
both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing
debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams  of
this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted.

The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all
unauthorized activities at this location, and to restore the stream to
a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams
from the strewn channel. All restoration work shall be completed no
later than January 31, 1998.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so
that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.
Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized
activity on the site may result in this case being referred for
elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your
full cooperation in this matter.

Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any
questions.

Sincerely,
David L. Price
District Representative
Land and Water Management Division

 ----Reply Letter----

Dear Mr. Price:

Re:     DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N, R10W, Sec 20; Montcalm County

Your certified letter dated 12/17/97 has been handed to me to respond
to. You sent out a great deal of carbon copies to a lot of people, but
you neglected to include their addresses. You will, therefore, have to
send them a copy of my response.

First of all, Mr. Ryan DeVries is not the legal landowner
and/orcontractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan - I am the legal
owner and a couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process
of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the
outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, nor
authorize their dam project, I think they would be highly offended you
call their skillful use of natural building materials "debris." I
would like to challenge you to attempt to emulate their dam project
any dam time and/or any dam place you choose. I believe I can safely
state there is no dam way you could ever match their dam skills, their
dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their
dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

As to your dam request the beavers first must fill out a dam permit
prior to the start of this type of dam activity, my first dam question
to you is: are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond
Beavers or do you require all dam beavers throughout this State to
conform to said dam request? If you are not discriminating against
these particular beavers, please send me completed copies of all those
other applicable beaver dam permits.  Perhaps we will see if there
really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland lakes and Streams, of
the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the
Public Acts of 1994 being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the
Michigan Compiled Laws annotated.

My first concern is - aren't the dam beavers entitled to dam legal
representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and
are unable to pay for said dam representation - so the State will have
to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that
either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event
causing dam flooding is proof we should leave the dam Spring Pond
Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.

If you want the dam stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition -
contact the dam beavers - but if you are going to arrest them (they
obviously did not pay any dam attention to your dam letter-being
unable to read English) - be sure you read them their dam Miranda
rights first. As for me, I am not going to cause more  dam flooding or
dam debris jams by interfering with these dam builders. If you want to
hurt these dam beavers - be aware I am sending a copy of your dam
letter and this response to PETA.  If your dam Department seriously
finds all dams of this nature inherently hazardous and truly will not
permit their existence in this dam State - I seriously hope you are
not selectively  enforcing this dam policy - or once again both I and
the Spring Pond Beavers will scream prejudice!

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build
their dam unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the  grass is
green and water flows downstream. They have more dam right than I to
live and enjoy Spring Pond. So, as far as the  beavers and I are
concerned, this dam case can be referred for  more dam elevated
enforcement action now. Why wait until 1/31/98? The Spring Pond
Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no dam way for
you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention a real
environmental quality (health) problem; bears are actually defecating
in our woods. I definitely believe you should be  persecuting the
defecating bears and leave the dam beavers alone.  If you are going to
investigate the beaver dam, watch your step!  (The bears are not
careful where they dump!)

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to
contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response
to your dam office.

Sincerely,
Stephen L. Tvedten

Brad  (In Lincoln Nebraska 402-464-1502)

1964 Spitfire4            BFC25720L (In "Teething" Mode right now)
1966 TR4A                CT72398L (Slowly gathering the needed parts)
1951 Dodge Truck    82217766  B-3-B-108 (Frame painted, now suspension)

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