I was going though old papers, and came across some early 1996 Tiger group
emails that I had printed out back in 1996. Yeah, remember that? Paper
printing? This was 25 years ago! Larry was clearly in a creative mood and
sent five emails about alternative history, then my dad provided a few of his
own. I hope you enjoy this - and add some new ones!!!!
Larryâ??s (all five emails combined):
1965: Sunbeamâ??s fastback Tiger LeMans series now account for half of Tiger
sales, outstripping sales of Chevroletâ??s Corvette. Fordâ??s new fastback,
the Mustang, off to a slow start.
1966: For the second year in a row, Sunbeam Tigers finish 1-2-3 at both LeMans
and Sebring. The lightened Superleggera bodywork, supplied by Touring of
Italy, provided a dramatic performance improvement versus their first efforts
in 1964.
1967: Ford Motor Company resists pressure from its own dealers, and their
domestic competition, to discount sales of engines to the Rootes Group, maker
of the popular Sunbeam Tiger. A six month waiting list exists for the popular
cars, while domestic high-performance cars languish on dealersâ?? lots.
1968: Safety advocate Ralph Naderâ??s attack on the Sunbeam Tiger has fizzled.
His allegations of high risk for fire when struck from behind rang hollow when
few instances of rear-end collisions were reports. Sunbeam management was
heard to comment on the carâ??s high speed potential - "if the Tiger is that
fast, how could it be hit from behind?â??
1969: Yet again, the NHRA Summernationals dominated by the Tigress, a
variation of the popular Sunbeam Imp powered by Fordâ??s V8 engine. Most
important manufactures retrenching in the face of dizzying sales of Rootesâ??
economy, and performance champion.
1970: What would have been epoch-making safety legislation this year has been
voted down in the Senate. The pressure of public opinion, led by repeated
protests by owners of the ubiquitous Sunbeam Tiger, indicates the public just
does not want the styling of their cars spoilt by heavier bumpers or other
safety features.
1971: American Motors reports it may have to change its name, now being owned
by a British company. The Rootes Group hopes to cover the beleaguered Kenosha
companyâ??s plants to production of the Sunbeam Tiger, which incidentally is
rumored to be come mid-engined in the next model year. It is hoped that
Wsconsinâ??s economy will benefit as Britainâ??s has, with record low
unemployment for yet another year.
1972: With so many of Fordâ??s V8 engine supplied in Rootes' Sunbeam Tigers,
as well as the expanded Humber range and the revived Singer and Talbot brands,
Ford is now the second biggest user of their own engines. In other news,
collectors are rumored to be removing those V8â??s to install four-cylinder
engines to create replicas of the now-discontinued Alpine variant.
1973: President McGovern today meets with Britainâ??s Prime Minister George
Harrison. It is expected that the US may pull out of NATO unless the
balance-of-trade problem caused by sales of the cars built by the Rootes Group
can be resolved.
1974: Sears, Roebuck & Co. announced today that their 1,731 auto centers
nationwide will become effectively Sunbeam Dealerships, offering new cars
(badged as Allstates), servicing and parts. Unique to Searsâ?? new approach is
a racing preparation department, with high-performance engine by the Shelby
American Corporation, a company believed to have been involved with Sunbeamâ??s
successes in the early 1960â??s.
1979: Sunbeamâ??s return to Formula One racing is in its fifth year, and
expecting a second championship for star driver Mario Andretti. The success
enjoyed by Rootesâ?? competition department in using the Ford Cosworth V8 has
prompted an announcement that this engine will power the next generation Tiger,
breathing new life into this perennial best-seller.
1980: The racing world was shocked today by NASCARâ??s decision to admit the
Kenosha-built Tigers in Grand National racing, leaving no major motorsports
venue secure from the primacy of the Rootes group. One wonders if the carnival
bumper-car rides are the only place to avoid being trounced by Sunbeams.
1982: This monthâ??s Auto Industry Report features an in-depth interview with
the Rootes chemist responsible for the new substance TripolyOxyFerron, which
results from applying a new patented molecule to rusted steel, and is stronger
than the original steel on which it is based. This is expected to be received
well by owners of existing Rootes products. Also announced this month, by
mail-order house J.C. Whitney, is a related product, a finish-abrading kit for
car owners. The news release claims â??guaranteed prompt restting of any
carâ?? and urdes car owners to. â??Man their cars sturdier today.â?? A legal
blocking action by Norton, Bear and other sandpaper manufactures is pending.
1988: Completing an industry consolidation unprecedented in history, Rootes
Group has acquired both Morgan Cars, Ltd. and the Rover Group, leaving Rootes
the only carmaker in Britain. Roverâ??s Jaguar marque, always at a performance
and marketing disadvantage versus Sunbeam, now faces an uncertain future. A
spokesman for Morgan, however, states that no changes to their operation are
anticipated.
1991: A news release from United Artists hints at details of â??Icebreaker,â??
the next James Bond film. Actor Michael J. Fox, in the role for the third
time, will drive a Sunbeam Tiger with suitable modifications in the picture.
1992: Sunbeam dealers across the county can begin taking orders for
ABS-equipped Tigers. All that is required is to check off box LAT2718 on the
order form. Also, LAT2713, the rear-fasting third seat for the Husky mini-van,
should begin shipping this week against all orders placed to date.
1996: Shrewd investors in the classic-car market suggest that the next
â??sleeperâ?? bound for rapid increases in value is the Shelby Cobra, an
obscure roadster from the early 1960â??s. A few hundred of these Ford-powered
sports cars were built, and they enjoyed some racing successes until succumbing
to all-conquering Sunbeam Tigers. Pick one up now for as little as five
thousand dollars, and you can expect the value to double in the next five years.
2207: Breakthroughs have been made on translating the transmission from Tau
Ceti, giving valuable insight on how the Cetans became aware of us in the first
place. It seems that the Fredgling Cetan space program stumbled upon one of
our old deep-space probes, the Star Tiger, launched by Rootes Aerospace late in
the 20th century. The earliest message-segments translated are requests for
the whereabouts of one of their dieties, a Mr. Kenneth Howe, who the Cetans
apparantly feel we can deliver to them. Historians are urgently searching the
archives of the World Government for clues on the subject, as well as why the
Cetans feel we share their religious deference for the number eight. Stay
netted for updates on this fast-breaking story.
Steve Laifman (I so hear his humor in these):
1967: British-Aerospace, a subsidiary of the Humber Divisions of the Rootes
Group, has announced a joint venture with Renault-Aerospatiale to develop a
supersonic transport airplane. This â??SSAâ?? will travel at nearly twice the
speed of sound from London to New York in 2 hours. Powered by phased arrays of
289 cu. in. V-8 motors, manufactured in Coventry by the Singer-Jaguar Division,
are said to be capable of extra-atmospheric flight. Ticket reservations are
being taken for a 200 pound English Sterling deposit, or $250,000.00 American
dollars. (400 pound balance due 6 months prior to departure).
1977: The first manned lunar landing, by Astronaught Sterling Moss, was
accompanied by his cryptic historical comment â??One small step for man one
more world to conquer for Alpine!â?? His historic voyage aboard the two-seater
Sunbeam Tiger MoonMobile was only marred twice by having to smartly strike the
Lucas fuel pump with his bumpershoot handle to restart the 900,000 horsepower
Ford V-512 cylinder Tiger air-breathing rocket motor. This motor is made by
the Singer-Ford subsidiary of the Rootes Group in Colonial Arkansas.
Astronaught Moss pre-launch remarks about the sensibility of carrying 250,000
miles of Dunlop-Goodyear air-hose was taken as only in jest by His Majesty,
while Mrs. Moss and the Children were present at the TV viewing in the
luxurious and famous Tower of London Royal Apartments. (Note from Jay: as most
know, my dad was an actual rocket scientist, who certainly knew how to spell.
So I can only surmise that when my dad typed â??astronaughtâ?? it was another
one of his tongue-in-cheek comments, and note that Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner
spelled it that way for a gag they did).
1983: The rumored production of a retro-Alpine 1955 dropped coupe by the
insular Honda Motor Car Company of Japan has been denied by the Ministry of
Trade and Industry (MITI). They are quoted as saying â??Any manufacture of
products protected by international copyright and patent agreements could never
happen in this country. The rumor of nostalgia buffs is denied, and apologies
are tendered to His Majestyâ??s Government and were delivered toPrime Minister
John F. Kennedyâ??s ambassador, the Right Honourable Michael Jackson.â?? His
Majestyâ??s Government accepted the apology and stood down the Colonial Seventh
Fleet being prepared for battle in Cookâ??s Harbour, Honolulu Colony.
In other news, Setsumosa Kiosaka, manager of research and development at the
Nissan-Mazda division of Honda was found to have committed ritual sepuku by
severing his arms, legs, and head simultaneously in five rooms of his Tokyo
apartment. No comment was forthcoming rom his widows or corporate spokesmen.
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