Dear T-Listers,
Just thought this "hit the nail on the head" so I figured I would pass it
on.
Flame me all you want for bombing the list.....I will not apologize!
Enjoy,
Allan
B9472373
> Mechanic's Tool Guide
> -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
> HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is
> used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the
> object we are trying to hit.
> MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard
> cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes
> containing seats and Tiger jackets.
> ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in thier
> holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling
> mounting holes in fenders just above the brake line that goes to the rear
> wheel.
> PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.
> HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
> principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
> motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal
> your future becomes.
> VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available,
> they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your
> hand.
> OXYACETELENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable
> objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside
> a brake drum you're trying to get the bearing race out of.
> WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars (not
> Tigers,) they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2
> socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.
> DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat
> metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and
> flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly
> painted part you were drying.
> WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under
> the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and
> hard-earned guitar callouses in about the time it takes you to say,
> "Ouc...."
> HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a Tiger to the ground after
> you have installed your new front disk brake setup, trapping the jack
> handle firmly under the front fender.
> EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a Tiger upward off
> a hydraulic jack.
> TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.
> PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic
> floor jack.
> SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for
> spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot. E-Z
> OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is
> ten times harder than any known drill bit.
> TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup.
> TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile
> strength of ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten to
> disconnect.
> CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that
> inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without
> the handle.
> BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid
> from a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that
> your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.
> AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.
> TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop
> light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is
> not otherwise found under Tigers at night. Health benefits aside, its
> main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that
> 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of
> the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat
> misleading.
> PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style
> paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as
> the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.
> AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning
> power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that
> travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty
> bolts last tightened 60 years ago by someone in Springfield, and rounds
> them off.
> PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket
> you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. HOSE CUTTER: A
> tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.
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