To ma good fren Scott:
Well....dis whas refresin, nows dat mo of yous be undastandin ofs da
complexadees of da blues, maybes yous all be mo appreshitive, I is.
Don Tiana
Topanga Cyn., CA.
818.591.3008
Still searching for that H-Mod Lotus Eleven #109
On Fri, 18 Oct 2002 10:02:21 -0500 Scott Paceley <spaceley@uiuc.edu>
writes:
> Got this explanation of the blues.
>
> Thought y'all could relate....
>
>
> > >1. Most Blues begin with: "Woke up this morning..."
> >>
> >>2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless
> you
> >> stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good
> woman, with
> >>the meanest face in town."
> >>
> >>3 . The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right,
> repeat it.Then
> >> find something that rhymes sort of: "Got a good woman with the
> >>meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest
> face
> >>in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weighs 500
> pound."
> >>
> >> 4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you
> stuck in a
> >> ditch... ain't no way out.
> >>
> >> 5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, old Cadillacs and broken-down
> trucks.
> >>Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles.
> Most Blues
> >> transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet
> >>aircraft ain't
> >> even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the Blues
> lifestyle. So
> >> does fixin' to die.
> >>
> >> 6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die
> yet. Adults
> >>sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to
> get
> >>the electric chair if you shot a man in Memphis.
> >>
> >>7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or
> anywhere in
> >> Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just
> clinical
> >> depression. Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the
> >>best places to
> >> have the Blues. You cannot have the Blues in any place that
> doesn't get
> >> rain.
> >>
> >> 8. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall.
> The lighting
> >>is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot and sit by the dumpster.
> >>
> >> 9. Good places for the Blues:
> >> a. highway
> >> b. jailhouse
> >> c. empty bed
> >> d. bottom of a whiskey glass
> >>
> >> 10. Bad places for the Blues:
> >> a. Nordstrom's
> >> b. gallery openings
> >> c. Ivy League institutions
> >> d. golf courses
> >>
> >> 11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit,
> 'less you
> >>happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it.
> >>
> >> 12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if:
> >> a. you older than dirt
> >> b. you blind
> >> c. you shot a man in Memphis
> >> d. you can't be satisfied
> >> Not, if:
> >> a. you have all your teeth
> >> b. you were once blind but now can see
> >> c. the man in Memphis lived
> >> d. you have a 401K or trust fund
> >>
> >> 13. Blues is not a matter of color, it's a matter of bad
> luck.
> >>Tiger Woods cannot sing the Blues. Sonny Liston could have.
> >>
> >> 14. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline,
> >>it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
> >> a. cheap wine
> >> b. whiskey or bourbon
> >> c. muddy water
> >> d. black coffee
> >>
> >> The following are NOT Blues beverages:
> >> a. Perrier
> >> b. Chardonnay
> >> c. Snapple
> >> d. Slim Fast
> >> e. Pinot Grigio
> >> f. Sour Apple Martini's
> >>
> >> 15. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's
> a Blues
> >>death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way
> to die.
> >>So are the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a
> >>broken-down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a
> >>tennis match or while getting liposuction.
> >>
> >> 16. Some Blues names for women:
> >> a. Alma
> >> b. Big Mama
> >> c. Lil' Momma
> >> d. Bessie
> >> e. Fat River Dumpling
> >>
> >> 17. Some Blues names for men:
> >> a. Joe
> >> b. Willie
> >> c. Little Willie
> >> d. Big Willie
> >>
> >> 18. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer, Debbie,
> and Heather
> >> can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shot in
> Memphis.
> >>
> >> 19. Make your own Blues name starter kit:
> >> a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
> >> b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime,
> Kiwi, etc.)
> >> c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore,
> etc.)
> >>
> >> For example: Blind Lime Jefferson, Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or
> Cripple Kiwi
> > >Fillmore, etc.
> >> (Well, maybe not "Kiwi, try Peach.")
> >>
> >> 20. I don't care how tragic your life: if you own a computer,
> you cannot
> > >sing the blues.
>
>
> Sing along - y'all know tune...
>
>
> Took mah broke down Meeeata...
>
> For t' shoot a man in Sheboygan...
>
> Now I'ma sittin' in this Starbucks...
>
> Drinkin' mandarin-orange-smoothies til I die.
>
> (still workin on that last stanza)
> --
> Scott Paceley
> spaceley@uiuc.edu * 217-333-8759 * Champaign, IL
> graphic design, photography, digital imaging
/// unsubscribe/change address requests to majordomo@autox.team.net or try
/// http://www.team.net/mailman/listinfo
/// Archives at http://www.team.net/archive/team-thicko
|