Subject: The Ant and the Grasshopper
> THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER
> CLASSIC VERSION:
> The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer
> long, building his house and laying up supplies for
> the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and
> laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is
> warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies
> out in the cold.
> . . . .
> . . .
> . .
> MODERN VERSION:
> The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer
> long, building his house and laying up supplies for
> the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and
> laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
>
> Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and
> demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed
> while others are cold and starving.
> CBS, NBC and ABC show up to provide pictures of the
> shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in
> his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
> America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can
> this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor
> grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
>
> Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody
> cries when they sing "It's Not Easy Being Green."
> Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the
> ant's house where the news stations film the group
> singing "We shall overcome". Jesse then has the group kneel down to
> pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.
> Al Gore exclaims in an interview with Peter Jennings
> that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the
> grasshopper, and calls for an immediate tax hike on
> the ant to make him pay his "fair share".
>
> Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and
> Anti-Grasshopper Act", retroactive to the beginning of
> the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a
> proportionate number of green bugs and, having
> nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is
> confiscated by the government.
>
> Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the
> grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and
> the case is tried before a panel of federal judges
> that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent
> welfare
> recipients. The ant loses the case.
>
> The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up
> the last bits of the ant's food while the government
> house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old
> house, crumbles around him because he doesn't
> maintain it.
>
> The ant has disappeared in the snow. The grasshopper
> is found dead in a drug related incident and the
> house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of
> spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.
>
> MORAL OF THE STORY: PLEASE VOTE REPUBLICAN IN
> NOVEMBER
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