Murphy's Laws of Combat
1. A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
2. The enemy diversion you are ignoring is the main attack.
3. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
4. Recoilless rifles - aren't.
5. Suppressive fire - won't.
6. Perfect plans - aren't.
7. Friendly fire - isn't.
8. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming
friendly fire.
9. Incoming fire has the right of way.
10. Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
11. When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
12. When you are short of everything except the enemy, you are in
combat.
13. If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.
14. Avoid being conspicuous - it draws fire (Corollary: If you must be
conspicuous, try to look unimportant because the bad guys may be low on
ammo.).
15. Avoid looking suspicious - it draws fire.
16. Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
17. You are not Superman, Audie Murphy, Segeant York, John Wayne or
Rambo.
18. Anything you do can get you shot - including doing nothing.
19. Tracers work both ways.
20. If you can't remember... the Claymore is pointed at you.
21. Professionals are predictable, but the world is full of dangerous
amateurs.
22. Fortify your front, and you'll get your rear shot up.
23. When in doubt, empty your magazine.
24. Communications will fail the moment you desperately need fire
support.
25. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you.
26. Remember, your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
27. Sniper Motto: Reach out and touch someone.
28. All five-second grenade fuses will burn down in three seconds.
29. If the attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
30. The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.
31. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
32. No plan survives the first contact intact.
33. There is such thing as the perfect plan.
34. It's not the round with your name on it you have to worry about,
it's the one addressed "To Whom It May Concern."
35. If you are forward of your position, the artillery will fall short.
36. The easy way is always mined.
37. The important things are always simple.
38. The simple things are always hard.
39. No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection.
40. No inspection-ready unit has ever passed combat.
41. Teamwork is essential. It gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
42. When both sides are convinced they are about to lose - they're both
right.
43. All-weather close support doesn't work in bad weather.
44. The bursting radius of a grenade is always one foot greater than
your jumping range.
45. The only terrain that is truly controlled is the terrain upon which
you're standing.
46. The law of the bayonet says the man with the bullet wins.
47. REMF are everywhere.
48. The best tank killer is another tank. Therefore, tanks are always
fighting each other -- and have no time to help the infantry.
49. Precision bombing is normally accurate within plus/minus one mile.
50. Cluster bombing from B-52s and C-130s is very, very accurate. The
bombs always hit the ground.
51. The side with the fanciest uniforms loses.
52. After we pull the pin, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
53. Things that must be together to work usually can't be shipped
together.
54. Make it tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
55. The light at the end of the tunnel is a muzzle flash.
56. Murphy was a soldier.
*****
REAL NCO's:
1. Can cuss for ten minutes without ever repeating a word.
2. Have a spine.
3. Can play a cherry Lieutenant like a finely tuned instrument.
4. Can see in the dark.
5. Have eyes in the back of their heads.
6. Still don't trust the Russians.
7. Still hate the French.
8. Don't know how to be politically correct.
9. Don't give a damn about being politically correct.
10. Think that "politically correct" should fall under "sodomy" in the
UCMJ.
11. Love deployments because there is less paperwork and more "real
work."
12. Can run 5 miles with a hangover.
13. Do not fear women in the military.
14. Would like to date G. I. Jane.
15. Still know how to use a buffer.
16. Can tell you anything you want to know about an M1911A1 although
they are no longer in the inventory.
17. Believe that they do have a rendezvous with destiny.
18. Believe that "Nuts" wasn't all that Brigadier General McAuliffe said
to the Germans at Bastogne.
19. Don't know how to use a "stress card".
20. Idolize John Wayne.
21. Don't believe that AAFES really needs a "commander".
22. Would have paid money to see Custer getting his clock cleaned.
23. Really don't like taking shit from those who haven't "been there".
24. Know how to properly construct a field latrine.
25. Know how to do a daisy chain.
26. Knows that a daisy chain is not a sex act.
27. Might admire the Germans, but still realize they got their asses
kicked.
28. Aren't afraid of the Chinese, who probably don't have enough
rowboats to invade Taiwan.
29. Would rather be OPFOR than MOPP 4.
30. Don't believe a damn thing the Iraqis say.
31. Don't need a GPS to find themselves.
32. Have enough BDU's in their closet to start a surplus store.
33. Think that MRE's taste good. (with a little hot sauce).
34. Are convinced that "wall-to-wall" counseling really works.
35. Have more time on the frontline than most others have in the chow
line.
36. Know how to make coffee when the measuring scoop goes missing.
37. Know that it's not good coffee when you can see through it.
38. Don't blame poor marksmanship on their M-16.
39. Know that inept leaders will always say they have inept soldiers.
Why pay more to get Web access?
Try Juno for FREE -- then it's just $9.95/month if you act NOW!
Get your free software today: http://dl.www.juno.com/dynoget/tagj.
|