Some of you may have already seen this - but I figured it was still worth
repeating.
Suzie
> This is hilarious. Take the time to read it.
>
> This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan
> DeVries by the Michigan Department of Environmental
> Quality, State of Michigan. This guy's response is
> hilarious, but read the State's letter before you
> get to the response letter.
> ------------------------------------------
> SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023;
> T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County
>
> Dear Mr. DeVries:
>
> It has come to the attention of the Department of
> Environmental Quality that there has been recent
> unauthorized activity on the above referenced
> parcel of property. You have been certified as the
> legal landowner and/ or contractor who did the
> following unauthorized activity:
> Construction and maintenance of two wood debris
> dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A
> permit must be issued prior to the start of this
> type of activity. A review of the Department's
> files shows that no permits have been issued.
>
> Therefore, the Department has determined that this
> activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes
> and Streams, of the Natural Resource and
> Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public
> Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113
> of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
>
> The Department has been informed that one or both
> of the dams partially failed during a recent rain
> event, causing debris and flooding at downstream
> locations. We find that dams of this nature are
> inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The
> Department therefore orders you to cease and desist
> all activities at this location, and to restore the
> stream to a free-flow condition by removing all
> wood and brush forming the dams from the stream
> channel. All restoration work shall be completed no
> later than January 31, 2003.
>
> Please notify this office when the restoration has
> been completed so that a follow-up site inspection
> may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply
> with this request or any further unauthorized
> activity on the site may result in this case being
> referred for elevated enforcement action.
> We anticipate and would appreciate your full
> cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to
> contact me at this office if you have any
> questions.
>
> Sincerely,
>
> David L. Price District Representative
> Land and Water Management Division
>
> ** This is the actual response sent back: **
>
> Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N;
> R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.
> Dear Mr. Price,
> Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been
> handed to me to respond to. I am the legal
> landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget,
> Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the
> (State unauthorized) process of constructing and
> maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the
> outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not
> pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam
> project, I think they would be highly offended that
> you call their skillful use of natures building
> materials "debris." I would like to challenge your
> department to attempt to emulate their dam project
> any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I
> can safely state there is no way you could ever
> match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness,
> their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their
> dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.
>
> As to your request, I do not think the beavers are
> aware that they must first fill out a dam permit
> prior to the start of this type of dam activity.
>
> My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying
> to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers or
> (2) do you require all beavers throughout this
> State to conform to said dam request? If you are
> not discriminating against these particular
> beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I
> request completed copies of all those other
> applicable beaver dam permits that have been
> issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a
> dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and
> Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental
> Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994,
> being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the
> Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
>
> I have several concerns. My first concern is...
> aren't the beavers entitled to legal
> representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are
> financially destitute and are unable to pay for
> said representation, so the State will have to
> provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's
> dam concern that either one or both of the dams
> failed during a recent rain event causing flooding
> is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which
> the Department is required to protect. In other
> words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers
> alone rather than harassing them and calling their
> dam names.
>
> If you want the stream "restored" to a dam
> free-flow condition please contact the beavers, but
> if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did
> not pay any attention to your dam letter... they
> being unable to read English.
>
> In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have
> a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as
> the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows
> downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to
> live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of
> Natural Resources and Environmental Protection
> lives up to its name, it should protect the natural
> resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers'
> Dams).
>
> So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this
> dam case can be referred for more elevated
> enforcement action right now. Why wait until
> 1/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the
> dam ice then and there will be no way for you or
> your dam staff to contact/harass them then.
> In conclusion, I would like to bring to your
> attention to a real environmental quality (health)
> problem in the area. It is the bears!
>
> Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I
> definitely believe you should be persecuting the
> defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If
> you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch
> your step! (The bears are not careful where they
> dump!)
>
> Being unable to comply with your dam request, and
> being unable to contact you on your dam answering
> machine, I am sending this response to your dam
> office.
>
> Thank You,
>
>
> Ryan DeVries & The Dam Beavers
/// spitfires@autox.team.net mailing list
/// or try http://www.team.net/cgi-bin/majorcool
/// Archives at http://www.team.net/archive
|