Mating Bulls
A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley
that had all of the bulls.
They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 50
times last year."
The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, you
could learn from him."
They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65times
last year."
The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year.
That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also."
They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365
times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365
times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this
one."
The man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and ask if it was 365 times with
the same cow."
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PRAYER WORKS
A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I
have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'"
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your
problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them
with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible.
My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and
your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."
"Thank you!" the woman responded.
The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His
two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The
lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots. Immediately, the
female parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?" One
male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads
away. Our prayers have been answered!"
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The Soldier
An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several
weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been
granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very
crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty
seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well-dressed
middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"
The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said,
"You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little
Fifi is using that seat?"
The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after
another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the
woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm
very tired."
The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only
are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"
The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little
dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.
The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and
chastise the soldier.
An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you
Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat
holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side
of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."
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_____(_o___o_)_______________________
/ \
| Michael Graziano |
| Long Term Capital Management L.P. |
| Phone: 203-552-5706 |
| Fax: 203-552-5869 |
| Email: mgrazian@ltcm.com |
\_____________________________________/
|