I liked the first one and some of the others.
Enjoy
Larry Macy
78 Midget
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky
tire.
People who live in glass houses shouldn't cavort nude on top of the piano
doing gorilla impersonations.
A rose by any other name would stick you just as bad and draw just as
much
blood when you grab a thorn.
It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown, and fewer still to ignore
someone completely.
The best laid plans of mice and men are worth just as much.
I believe no problem is so large or so difficult that it can't be blamed
on
somebody else.
I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a
foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and...
Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your
underwear during a fire drill.
Always take time to stop and smell the roses... and sooner or later,
you'll
inhale a bee.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I
may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me alone.
If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road.
That's why the highway department made so many of them.
If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the
message across like a good mooning.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the
neighbor's
newspaper, that's the time to do it.
A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way,
when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your
fingernails across it until he hangs up.
Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the four food groups: the
bonbon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group, and the
"whatever-the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge-is" group.
Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are
down.
How much of a tip to leave in a restaurant is always a controversial
question. I usually recommend half a crouton, or for special service,
throw
in that little sprig of parsley.
If genius is one percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration, I wind
up
sharing elevators with a lot of bright people.
Men are like small children. You bring a new one home and the ones
already
there resent it.
This morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a blanket.
That's the price you pay for letting the relatives stay over.
They say you can't really know someone until you walk a mile in their
shoes.
I say if they've got itsy-bitsy feet or some kind of foot disease, I
don't
wanna know 'em!
A man's best friend is his dog. That's assuming you want a friend who
messes on your carpet and drools on your newspaper.
If I won the lottery, I wouldn't be one of those people who immediately
quit
their jobs. I'd make my boss's life a living hell for a week or two
first.
Winning isn't everything. Winning and gloating and rubbing their noses in
it... that's everything!
I don't know about art, but I know what makes me say, "$2000 for that
piece
of junk?! Are you nuts?!"
Somewhere, over the rainbow...that's where the airline will find my
luggage.
It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.
Keep your nose to the grindstone and your shoulder to the wheel... it's
cheaper than plastic surgery.
This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.
Love is like a roller coaster: when it's good you don't want to get off,
and when it isn't... you can't wait to throw up.
I've found a sure way to relieve office stress: Step 1: take a deep
breath;
Step 2: count to 10; Step 3: set the boss's wastebasket on fire.
Larry B. Macy, Ph.D.
macy@bblmail.psycha.upenn.edu
System Administrator/Manager
Neuropsychiatry Section
Department of Psychiatry
University of Pennsylvania
3400 Spruce St. - 10 Gates
Philadelphia, PA 19104
Voice mail 215 662-2890
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