Hey guys,
Here's a posting to the Volkswagen Type2 list by "Unca Joel" -- it has
amazing relevance to this list :-)
The UJ comments are mostly Volkswagen-specific :-)
Have fun!
>
> i was reading along in one of the car-oriented magazines that i foolishly
> squander my life on, and came across this article (which i've abbreviated
> a bit). Since all the bus folke that *I* know of are "characters" in the
> truest sense of the word, i figure their buses must also be or have
> "character". so here's the article/test to see if you/it truly does ...
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Does Your Car Have Character??
>
> (from Road & Track, March 1998. by Peter Eagan)
>
> Points can be totaled at the end of the quize. A car achieving 100
> points or more has character. Those with fewer than 100 points should
> be sold as soon as possible, unless you actually enjoy a car without
> character. some do. Here goes:
> <Unca Joel's added some comments and adjustments of his own. :) >
>
> 1. If your car's overall design represents the vision of just one man
> who is now dead, but once struck terror, dread, and/or awe into the
> hearts of his employees, give yourself 50 points.
> 2. If you feel compelled, at the time of purchase, to buy a 300-page
> Official Factory Shop Manual to go with your car, give yourself
> 25 points.
> 3. 15 points if the car comes with a useful tool kit.
> <UJ: a combo jack-handle-lug-nut-wrench and jack count>
> 4. 20 points more if the tools are ever actually needed to fix the car;
> 10 more if it's raining or snowing when this happens.
> 5. If your car can be loaned out to another person with LESS than
> fifteen minutes of careful instructions on its peculiarities,
> deduct 20 points.
> 6. If you died suddenly and no one else on earth would be able to start
> the car or keep it running, give yourself 75 points.
> 7. 50 points for any chassis and/or body with more than 25-percent
> wood content. Another 10 if it already has termites, carpenter ants,
> or dry rot, and 20 bonus points if the door actually comes off in
> your hand.
> <UJ interpretation: Camper conversions with wooden cabinets
> automatically get the 50 points. :) >
> 8. 40 points for wire wheels. 10 more for "unsafe" knockoff spinners
> with ears.
> 9. Deduct 200 points for wire-whel hubcaps; 50 off for "bolt-on" wire
> wheels.
> 10. If your car, or one very much like it, ever won its class at
> Le Mans <UJ: HA!!> or in the Targa Florio or Mille Miglia, give
> yourself 100 points.
> 11. 50 points for SU or Weber carburetors. If it has three or more,
> add another 20 points. If your carburetors are located above the
> distributor and you never carry a fire extinguisher, give yourself
> another 50 points for hubris.
> 12. 50 points more for carburetors with velocity stacks and no air
> cleaners; 25 points more if the velocity stacks protrude from the
> bodywork.
> 13. 75 points extra if any of the words "Halibrand", "Judson",
> "Shorrock" or "Offenhauser" appear anywhere on your car.
> <UJ: 20 points extra for "Westfalia" or "EMPI"; 40 points for
> "Okrasa" or "Oettinger" or "Projektzwo">
> 14. Award yourself 200 points if the car is French. You deserve it.
> 15. If replacing the clutch requires that the entire engine and
> transmission be pulled, give yourself 50 points.
> 16. If you would rather commit suicide than do another clutch job,
> give yourself an added 50 points and call E-Type Owners' Hotline.
> 17. If the valve adjustment procedure is so arcane tha you are
> contemplating selling the car rather than either adjusting the
> valves yourself or paying to have it done, award yourself 40 points.
> If you have to go out of state or cross a time zone for this or any
> other form of basic maintenance, add 40 more.
> 18. 50 points for any car with a Laycock de Normanville overdrive unit.
> 10 more points if you just love to say "Laycock de Normanville"
> aloud, apropos of nothing, in the checkout line at the supermarket.
> 19. 75 points for any car whose engine heat causes passengers to
> request you let them off early, near "a friend's house" or a phone
> booth.
> 20. Automatic 100 points for any air-cooled car. 25 more if the leaking
> heater boxes give you a carbon-monoxide headache, and a bonus of
> 10 if the fan belt makes a right-angle turn from the crankshaft
> pulley. Air-cooled cars with swing axles located ahead of the
> engine get another 50, and 20 more if they have roof damage.
> 21. Give yourself 50 points if you have to spell the name of your car
> more than three times to your insurance agent over the phone, and
> then it still shows up spelled wrong on your insurance contract.
> 22. Collect 50 points if your car has Brooklands windscreens,
> but subtract 100 points if you put them on an inappropriate car,
> such as a Datsun B210 Honey Bee.
> <UJ: Safari windscreens collect the 50 points>
> 23. 1 point for every "Lift-the-Dot" snap that doesn't line up with any
> visible grommet on your weather equipment.
> <UJ: 10 points for sunroofs that leak; 10 more points if the sunroof
> is fabric>
> 24. If, on the roadside, you are brought to your knees, exhausted, by a
> convertible top that will not stretch far enough to reach the "Lift-
> the-Dot" snaps, give yourself 40 points. 50 more if it's raining.
> 10 point bonus if you are on the Dan Ryan Expressway at night.
> 25. 100 points for side curtains, and 50 more if they billow out and
> scoop in whatever weather they were intended to help you avoid.
> 26. 30 points for either a crank-handle starter, a vestigial crank-
> starter hole through the radiator, or a starter button under the
> clutch pedal.
> 27. Deduct 500 points for any car whose door window glass does not go
> all the way down on the rear passenger doors. Then write a letter
> to the company and ask them what they were thinking.
> 28. 100 points for having a large American station wagon instead of a
> minivan or a sport-utility vehicle. 50 more points for "Vista-
> Cruiser" roof windows or a rear-facing jump seat.
> <UJ: roof skylights qualify for the "Vista-Cruiser" points, and
> all Wolfsburg Limited Editions and Carats with jump seats get those
> 50 points>
> 29. 50 points for any car that has more than 40 horsepower for each
> inch of tire width.
> 30. If your car's engine designer grew up within 300 miles of the
> birthplace of Giuseppe Verdi, give yourself 100 points.
> 31. If your car is, or ever was, the fastest production car on earth,
> add another 100 points.
> 32 If a fighter pilot of any nationality might have driven your car,
> or one like it, to an airfield during the Battle of Britain, give
> yourself 100 points. If he wasn't able to get to the airfield
> because of "gudgeon-pin" failure or the malfunction of any Lucas
> electrical component, add another 100 points.
> 33. 50 points if your car was ever driven in a movie ... or in real
> life ... by Steve McQueen, James Dean, Clark Gable, or Jacques Tati.
> 34. 20 points if your Official Factory Shop Manual recommends "decoking"
> the cylinder head at intervals of less than 1,500 miles.
> 35. If you come out of a movie at night and accidentally try your keys
> in another car that looks just like yours, subtract 500 points.
> This has NEVER happened to a car with character.
>
> If you've purposely taken pictures of your car, give yourself 500
> points. 100 more if they're taped to the wall above your word
> processor or carried in your wallet. Equal points if you have no
> pictures because your hands are always too dirty to handle a camera.
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> so there it is. :) my 88 Vanagon got 660 points. :)
>
> unca joel
>
>
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>
>
--
Sean Bartnik
Fredericksburg, Virginia
'81 Volkswagen Vanagon Westfalia
'74 Volkswagen Karmann Ghia convertible
http://www.type2.com/bartnik/myvan.htm
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