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06 Dec 2002 08:34:47 PST
Date: Fri, 6 Dec 2002 08:34:47 -0800 (PST)
From: Donald Schwartz <nfox4473@pacbell.net>
To: Ed Avona <meavona@juno.com>
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Subject: Wal-Mart Application
This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to a WalMart
in Florida ... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
NAME: Greg Bulmash.
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or VicePresident. But seriously,
whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying
here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style
severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
REASON FOR LEAVING LAST POSITION: It sucked.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it
notes.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS:1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one,would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD
PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you
have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who
thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be
doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO
THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE:
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