Keith
Some of this must apply to you.
Glen
----- Original Message -----
From: <Drfreud99@aol.com>
To: <speedtimer@charter.net>
Sent: Monday, January 21, 2002 12:20 PM
Subject: Laughs
>
>
>
> You'll like these my friend
>
>
> > >
>
> > > Jim told his buddy, Bill, "I called the local
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> > > insane asylum yesterday to check on who has
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> > > escaped from there recently."
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> > >
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> > > Bill asked, "Oh? Why do you wonder about that?"
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> > >
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> > > Jim replied, "Well, somebody married my ex-wife
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> > > this week!"
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> > >
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> > > @>-----}------
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> > >
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> > >
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> > > You May Be A Redneck Pilot If:
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> > >
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> > > ... your stall warning plays "Dixie."
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> > >
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> > > ... your cross-country flight plan uses flea
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> > > markets as check points.
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> > >
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> > > ... you think sectionals charts should show
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> > > trailer parks.
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> > >
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> > > ... you've ever used moonshine as avgas.
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> > >
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> > > ... you think GPS stands for going perfectly
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> > > straight.
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> > >
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> > > ... your toothpick keeps poking your mike.
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> > >
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> > > ... just before impact, you are heard saying,
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> > > "Hey y'all, watch this!"
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> > >
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> > > ... you have a black airplane with a big #3 on
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> > > the side.
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> > >
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> > > ... you've ever just taxied around the airport
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> > > drinking beer.
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> > >
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> > > ... you use a Purina feed bag for a windsock.
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> > >
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> > > ... you fuel your wizzbang 140 from a Mason jar.
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> > >
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> > > ... you refer to flying in formation as "We got
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> > > ourselves a convoy!"
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> > >
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> > > ... there is a sign on the side of your aircraft
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> > > advertising your septic tank service.
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> > >
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> > > ... the set of "matching luggage" you take on
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> > > your long cross-country flights is three grocery
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> > > sacks from the same Piggly Wiggly!
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> > >
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> > > ... when you are the owner of Red Neck Airlines
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> > > and pilot of Redneck One.
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> > >
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> > >
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> > > @>-----}------
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> > >
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> > > A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because
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> > > she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see
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> > > if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a
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> > > ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will
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> > > stop snoring. "Yeah,right," she says.
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> > >
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> > > A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins
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> > > snoring as usual. The wife tosses and turns,
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> > > unable to sleep. Muttering to herself, she goes
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> > > to the closet and grabs a piece of ribbon and
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> > > ties it carefully around the dog's testicles.
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> > > Sure enough, the dog stops snoring. The woman is
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> > > amazed!
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> > >
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> > > Later that night, her husband returns home
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> > > drunk from being out with his buddies.
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> > > He climbs into bed, falls asleep, and begins
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> > > snoring loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon
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> > > will work on him. So she goes to the closet
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> > > again, grabs a piece of ribbon, and carefully
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> > > ties it around herhusband's testicles. Amazingly,
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> > > it also works on him! The woman sleeps soundly.
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> > >
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> > > The next morning, the husband wakes up hung over.
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> > > He stumbles into the bathroom. As he stands in
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> > > front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and
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> > > sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates.
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> > >
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> > > He is very confused,and as he walks back into the
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> > > bedroom, he sees a red ribbon attached to his
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> > > dog's testicles.
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> > >
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> > > He shakes his head and looks at the dog and
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> > > says,"Boy, I don't remember where we were or what
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> > > we did, but, by God, we got first and second
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