Thought you might get a kick out of this. Ellen Wilkinson
YOU MIGHT BE A RACER IF ...
"h You think the primary purpose of wings is to
PREVENT flight.
"h You take your helmet along when you go to buy new
eyeglasses or check out cars.
"h You are happiest when your street car's tires are
worn to racing depth and the wear bars are showing.
"h When something falls off of your car, you wonder
how much weight you just saved.
"h Your email address refers to your race car rather
than to you.
"h You've paid $4.00 a gallon for gas without
complaining.
"h You bought a race car before buying a house.
"h You bought a race car before buying furniture for
the new house.
"h You're looking for a tow vehicle and still haven't
bought furniture!
"h The requirements you give your real estate agent
are (in order of importance):
1) 8 car climate controlled garage with an attached
shop.
2) Outside parking for 6 cars, a motor home, a crew
cab dually, a 28' enclosed trailer and a 34' 5th
wheel.
3) 3 phase 220V outlets in the garage for your welder.
4) A grease pit.
5) Deaf neighbors.
6) Some sort of house with a working toilet & shower
on the property - or - hookups for the motor home.
"h You sit in your race car in a dark garage and make
car noises and shift and practice your heel and toe,
while waiting for your motor to get back from the
machine shop.
"h You have enough spare parts to build another car.
"h More than one racer supply store recognizes your
voice and greets you by name when you call.
"h You think the last line of the Star Spangled banner
is: "Racers start your engines!"
"h People know you by your class, car number, and car
color.
"h You astound the clerk at Sears by bringing in a
snapped breaker bar every other week or so.
"h Your family brings the couch into the garage to
spend time with you.
"h A neighbor asks if you have any oil, to which you
query, "Synthetic or organic?" and they reply,
"Vegetable or corn."
"h You enjoy driving in the rain on the way to work.
"h You always want to change something on your street
car to make it handle better.
"h You've tried to convince your wife you needed that
flow bench to fix the air filter on her station wagon.
"h You save broken car parts as "momentous".
"h You've found your lawnmower runs pretty good on 108
octane gas (but doesn't particularly care for
alcohol).
"h The local police and state highway patrol have a
picture of your car taped to their dashboard.
"h Instead of pictures in your wallet, you have time
slips.
"h You quote your street tire wear life in weeks
rather than miles.
"h After you tell your wife where you'd like to go on
vacation she answers: "Why...is there a race there?"
"h You know at least three 1-800 numbers to
aftermarket parts houses by heart.
"h You are on a first-name basis with owners of every
local speed shop.
"h You want to take apart and rebuild things, even
though they are not broken.
"h You have the monetary equivalent of a lunar rocket
invested in it, but your car still won't cut a good
light or run the number.
"h You own a vehicle that has at least 500 horsepower
more than when it came out of Detroit.
"h You look for hi-po cars in the movies and try to
guess what engine size, tire size, and whether or not
it has nitrous in it.
"h You are the type of person who goes postal when you
have to sit in a traffic jam for more than five
minutes, yet you can spend five hours in the staging
lanes.
"h Every stoplight becomes a practice tree to test
your ability to tree the guy in the other lane's eyes
out.
"h You wash your car like it was your firstborn child,
you tend to its needs like it was your own body, you
protect it like it's your family, then you drive it
like you stole it.
"h You understand racing is a way of life, not just a
means of transportation.
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