OK, so I search Snoops this one looks good but just in case, I offer it up
in the early Friday funny category:
Judge Jerry Buchmeyer of the US District Court for the Northern District of
Texas has a monthly article in the Texas Bar Journal. He prints reader
submissions of humorous exchanges between lawyers and witnesses taken from
deposition and trial transcripts. This one is a classic:
Attorney: So, doctor, you determined that a gunshot wound was the cause of
death of the patient?
Doctor: That's correct.
Attorney: Did you examine the patient when he came to the emergency room?
Doctor: No, I performed the autopsy.
Attorney: OK, were you aware of his vital signs while he was at the
hospital?
Doctor: Yes, he came to the emergency room in shock and died in the
emergency room a short time after arriving.
Attorney: Did you pronounce him dead at the time?
Doctor: No, I am the pathologist who performed the autopsy. I was not
involved with the patient initially.
Attorney: Well, are you even sure, then, that he died in the emergency
room?
Doctor: That is what they records indicate.
Attorney: But if you weren't there, how could you have pronounced him dead,
having not seen or physically examined the patient at the time?
Doctor: The autopsy showed massive hemorrhage into the chest, and that was
the cause of death.
Attorney: I understand that, but you were not actually present to examine
the patient and pronounce him dead, isn't that right?
Doctor: No, sir, I did not see the patient or actually pronounce him dead,
but I did perform the autopsy and right now his brain is in a jar over at
the county morgue. As for the rest of the patient, for all I know, he could
be out practicing law somewhere.
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