Ok friends - this is the truth, honest. I occassionally provide expert
testimony at hearings, and during one particularly aggressive session the
hearing officer attempted to lighten up the proceedings. The following is the
actual transcripts from the hearing. Mr. Beaman, who tells the second joke
was the layer who prepared me for evidence and Mr. Barnett was one of the
cross-examining lawyers - both sharp lawyers and also great guys. We were
going through rather long and boring evidence from hydrogeologists at the time
and Beaman adapted his joke nicely.
Mirek - '60 BT7
Recessed at 11:59 a.m.
10 ---Upon Resuming at 12:18 p.m.
11 THE CHAIR: Just before you start,
12 someone sent me something I'm going to read to you, it
13 might apply to this hearing. I'll just read it to you.
14 Question: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
16 Answer: No.
17 Question: Did you check for blood pressure?
19 Answer: No.
20 Question: Did you check for breathing?
22 Answer: No.
23 Question: So, then, is it possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
25 Answer: No.
0062
1 Question: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
3 Answer: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
5 Question: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
7 Answer: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
somewhere.
9 MR. BARNETT: I'm glad it's Mr. Beaman that's on his feet now, I assume
it's directed at him.
11 THE CHAIR: Here we go. Away we go.
12 MR. BEAMAN: Sir, it does remind me of the young lad whose father was
always telling him that he was stupid, so he went into the brain store to get
a new brain.
16 He said to the man with the jars, there were a bunch of jars with brains
in them: How much are those?
19 He said: Well, you know, they're your
20 average "Joe" on the street and they're $25.00 a brain.
21 He said: What about those jars up there?
23 He said: Well, they're the brains of
24 hydrogeologists and they're $100.00 a pound.
25 So the kid said: Well, you know, sir,
0063
1 why so much? Why a hydrogeologist?
2 He said: Well, do you know how many
3 hydrogeologists you've got to go through to find a
4 pound of brains?
5 And then the kid noticed a jar --
6 MS. CONRAD: Sorry, we didn't hear that back here. I think it's
important to the joke, so I need to hear it. How many hydrogeologists you --
9 MR. BEAMAN: You have to go through to
10 find a pound of brain.
11 But then the kid noticed a brain in a
12 jar at the top, and he said: What's that one?
13 He said: Well, that one's $10,000.00.
14 So the kid said: Why so much?
15 He said: Well, that's a lawyer's brain.
17 And he said: Gee, it still seems like
18 a lot of money, why?
19 He said: Heck, son, it's never been used.
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