Fellow fellows...
Men are cursed...logic grabs us and we have to quantify all our decisions,
faced with a decision based on emotions that we can't support, we lie. You
guys know what I'm talkin about here...remember what you said to your
significant other when you wanted that new drill press, shop vac, compressor,
whatever? "Honey, I'll be able to do so many new things with this I'll be a
big help around the house with this." In other words...we lied. OK, there a
few guys that don't have this problem, but the alimony payments stop us from
buying much more than a 12volt Dustbuster for the car.
But now, I have good news for all mankind! I actually found a REAL use for
some toys...I mean tools.
Bill, my dog is a little shy about his toilet duties and tends to only do it
at night when no one can see him. He also tends to do it right in the path to
the woodpile. There's nothing worse than having a little mood music on the box
(Little yellow spots of snow, little brown spots of Fido", hey it's a real
song, I just heard it. Right after the "Barking Dogs do Jingle Bells"), the
lights are low, a little mood altering libations and the fire getting low. She
goes out to the woodpile for that "all nighter" log (hey guys, its the 90's,
you gotta let her), and she comes back with "that look"...not to mention "that
smell". Well I hafta tellya, now there's one other tool that you're not gonna
use that night!
Wait, I'm gettin to it...
So, my girlfriend is on the way to the house today, and I'm faced with the
ugly task of raking up all the leaves so I can find the "mines" and dispose of
them. Suddenly, an epiphany, the words "air compressor" are spelled out in the
heavens. I follow, as if a Magi, to the shop, hook all the hoses together and
repair to the aforementioned pathway. Guys, I gotta tell ya, this works great.
I'm blowin leaves into big piles, gettin all the leaves you can never reach
with a rake, and the best part is that it leaves the "mines" behind, exposed
but undisturbed, ready for the scooper. This is workin so great, I make a 3'
metal extension for the blow gun that's bent at the end, so I don't even have
to bend over to blow these puppies around. I'm havin such a good time (guys
you're all sworn to secrecy here...), that I go ahead and blow the front yard
clear, the deck, the gutters, and even the driveway. And you can even use that
shop vac for the little "touch up" areas. Now this is gonna have a major
effect on the "significant other" here. With just a few hours labor, i've made
a major visual impression (ok I did vacuum the house and pick up the entrails
of the last week's life too...).
So for all of us in this "situation", it's time to grab the bull by the horns,
or at least the air hose, and sally forth and turn all those lies into
"truths".
Thank goodness for Chia Pets and Clappers, or there wouldn't be a xmas this
year...
Nick in Nor Cal
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